Fixing a hole

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Valis16, Feb 6, 2007.

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  1. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    I finally made up my mind to try again, but this time won't be a botched fuckup kind of attempt, I've got it down pat. I'm totally alone in life, and the worst part is that I don't know how to be any other way. I knew I'd get around to leaving a suicide note here :biggrin: didn't think I'd last this long though. Well I'm going to go huddle in the dark and watch anime like the freak I am, surrounded by people who hate me in Alabama. Wish me luck when I get my hands on the materials for my "method."
     
  2. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    I don't want you to be alone and I don't want to be alone. Do....you....want....to......not.......be......alone......together? :biggrin: Whatever your method is, dont let it be pills cuz that is the worst way to do it. Just letting you know. If/When I do it, it wont be that method. I don't like anime, but I have a lot of friends who do. One tried to get me into the evangelion thing and it kinda worked but that was like a year ago and I haven't seen it since. Have you heard of that one?
     
  3. Valis

    I hope you reconsider and give yourself another chance

    solitude is a pain but its also a excellant test of your integrity and strength

    please stay safe

    Gabriel
     
  4. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    Edit - ^Well I guess I'm weak and have no integrity, because I'm failing the test.

    Viper: Thanks for the offer :smile: congratulations, now we're both not quite as alone. Evangelion is really popular but I've only seen a few episodes when I rented a DVD - it was at the same time I saw one called Akira, which is really famous too and you might've heard it mentioned. I'm not one of those crazy hyper anime fans who babble on about the characters, I mean I do think bishonen (pretty boys) are tasty, but it's just kind of a mild habit. My method is good, it involves pills but with a special twist that guarantees death. Have you ever attempted before?
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2007
  5. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    I have not attempted before, but I will not fail if I do attempt. That is why I want to make sure it is the right decision. With some people it is the right decision, just...if you decided to do it, make sure it is the right choice because you won't get another one...I'm in ATL, so if you ever decided that it may not yet be the right choice and are around...let me know and we should hang.:biggrin:
     
  6. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    I'm a wreck. I don't think the few friends I do have even enjoy hanging out with me.... you'd probably either be bored by me or put off by the amount of drugs and alcohol I'd want to consume to zone myself off to fantasy-happy-land. It's a pretty good indicator if I don't enjoy my own company. And I think it's the right decision for me. I have a very strong feeling that I wasn't made to live past 17 or 18. Wherever I end up going it'll be happier than this, even if it's nothing.
     
  7. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    Where you end up going won't be happier than where you are now. You won't know the difference and you won't feel happiness or lack thereof. I don't understand why people say they want to die because they want to be happier. And another thing....sign in IM damnit:tongue: If I'm not here I may be at school, but give me a holla 'rysternov'.
     
  8. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    I meant it figuratively, I don't expect to feel anything, but not existing would be preferable to the opposite at this point. My problem is fear...crippling fear of the unknown, which I can only see as blackness, the fear of simply not knowing a day's events or being able to wake up. I don't know how to beat fear but I guess if I'm drugged enough it won't matter. I can't use MSN, Yahoo, or AIM, they're blocked on my home comp until my grades are up :) which probably, won't happen if things work out. What time zone are you, maybe we could just use the chat on this site or something.
     
  9. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Valis, what you need to try and do is find a good friend that will like you no matter what. I don't think ill live to 21-22 and right now its really looking like i wont but thats why im here trying to talk to people and just know that im not the only one.
    P.S. Most anime is good i like samurai champloo the most. (you should watch it :tongue: )
    :hug:
    -John
     
  10. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    I'm in eastern time zone. You have a block on AIM? How did you message me earler?
     
  11. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    No one likes to be around a depressed person. Even my friends who understand me don't know how to deal with it or don't want to. I feel so much hate for myself, it's hard to meet new people. If they look depressed or misanthropic too, I'm too shy, and if they look happy I'm angry at them for being extroverts. And that kind of bitterness makes me hate myself more. What a cycle.

    My stepmom left her account signed in on the Bellsouth Parental controls thing so I got on AIM for a second...but that probably won't happen often...I'm on Central, of course, so 1 hour behind you. If I'm not on AIM, want to chat on here at like 7:30 your time? :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2007
  12. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I know most people want to avoid being around someone that is depressed thats why you need to find someone that can still stand by you. If you cant find anyone then you have people here that will understand and will talk to you. Thats why i am here to make friends that understand me and know how i feel.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    7:30 tonight won't be good. I'm going to "attempt" to make an actual friend. Of course I would like to attempt to be friends with you as well. How does 10:00 your time sound (which I guess that would make it 11:00 my time). Also, try using AIM express :)
     
  14. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    well i hope you make the new friend
     
  15. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    :hug: good luck viper

    If I can, I'll be on.
     
  16. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    You are all so young:smile: I wish I could be back at that age again. i wish i knew how to help you all too, please don't give up:sad:
     
  17. Valis16

    Valis16 Guest

    I've already given up. In terms of a party, this is the cleanup phase. The trash will be gone sometime in the next week or two.
     
  18. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

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