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Flashback and Nightmares

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It's been months since I've been able to sleep properly - nightmares of my past. I wake to see my pillows on the floor, my bed sheet in a mess. I suffer from thoughts of people wanting to hurt me, my life being better off not existing anymore.

It's been over six weeks since I've been on my medications. The thoughts and sleep has become worse since I've stopped taken my medications. I can NOT get help regarding medication here, and without a job at the moment or insurance it's making it even worse.

Every since I started talking to my pdoc months ago, bringing up past memories, they have started haunting me twice as bad. I look at my deceased fathers picture each day wishing he was still alive. I know me and him had our differences, he was the only person I could ever turn to...but now he is gone. I wish I could just fade and see him on the other side so I could feel his comfort.

My family feels there is nothing wrong with me tho two Dr's have both came to the conclusion of bi-polar, mood disorder and depression. My family tells me I'm just full of it, all of this mental illness is a bunch of sh*t. I always tell them if only they were able to be in my shoes, feel what I feel and think what I think.

I know I'm fading slowly, I've already lost seven pounds within a month because I just don't feel like eating anymore. I'm down to 128 pnds and I'm 33 years old :(

If anyone is familiar with the GAF score, mine came back a 40 :(

I just wish the dreams would fade, the thoughts would stop racing, and the depression would end.
I just wish the dreams would fade, the thoughts would stop racing, and the depression would end.
Similar to me. I have that nightmares and flashbacks caused of an accident which wasn´t my fault. I was sick for 3 years because the physicians didn´t realize what´s wrong with me (dislocated vertebra). I have a maximum of sleep about 2-3 hours each night. Then I will be awake totally sweat because I dream this accident again and again. If I use sleeping pills, in some nights I have the chance to sleep 4 or 5 hours. I have depressions caused of a metabolic disease too. This depressions will be harder because of the PTSD and alltogether this destroy me.

What the docs tried with me:

I took SSRI and sleeping pills. The only effect was to feel loaded 24 hours/day.
Today he started to give me lithium. I don´t expect this will help. The doc treat me for about 10 month.
I have to go to psychologist. I feel like this guy is kidding me. Painting pictures, playing with Playmobil, bulls... like that. btw. I have problems to sit face to face to someone who asks me intimate questions.

But that´s what they tried with me. Maybe this could help you. Ask your physician. I committed suicide twice this year. So I have to accept what they make with me. Otherwise they will contact a judge which will send me to a psychiatry.

And I can´t imagine that docs allways make bulls... So maybe what they made with me would help you. You said you have this for month. I have this for 6 years. So it could be interesting for you to try some other things.

After all this years I give up., but not after some monthes. I am waiting for a good opportunity to say goodbye to this world and hopefully I will not be find too early again ...

I hope you will have a better luck with treatment then I have.

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