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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Allo.., Apr 8, 2008.

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  1. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I've had a strange day..
    I keep having i suppose you could call them flashbacks.
    I've realised that it's most likely because this time last year I was at the height of my depression.. but it's strange to think that the clothes i wear and the weather around me can do this sort of thing.

    some examples:
    Today I was walking out of a building at school and i had my books held in one arm and i suddenly realised that i shouldn't be holding them like that because it would be hurting my cuts under my bandage...
    but i haven't cut since last year.
    Last year I often had a bandage around my arm under my blazer. I'm wearing my blazer again now.
    If there wasn't a bandage there was always a scab or something that could tear open with pressure from my books..

    Today when people said something to me or did something that could be taken in a bad way i felt i should be depressed about it, let it make me quiet and sad.. but then i'd get a jolt because i didn't particularly feel like that, i was making it happen.

    It sounds strange and i can't explain it very well.. it just seems so easy for me to be depressed now because i'm expecting myself to be.. i'm scared im going to start clinging to some people, taking everything in the worst way possible and become vauge with most.

    I was thinking tonight that I would possibly start cutting again as i looked at my arm, thinking how good that would be.. but then i realised that i'm working now so i'm wearing short sleeves.. And cutting my leg doesn't do nearly as much for me.

    *sigh* i'm scared i'm going to be hurting people again.
    ever just wish you could bring people near you?
    there's one person especially that i would love to here with me, and it's not someone anyone at all would think. But he does great things for me when i feel like this.

    ahh. life goes on.
    sorry in advance if i start to upset anyone :(
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