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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by absolution, May 5, 2010.

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  1. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    They just keep coming; never letting up...

    I cant take them anymore!! He is in jail yet it keeps happening over and over again everytime i close my eyes...

    i just want to close my eyes for good...to never wake up

    Im not worth anything anyways... i cant stay anymore..i dont see how if all i see is him on top of me or beating me over and over again!?!?! i just cant get it out of my head...

    Im scared :cry:
  2. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry that you are going through so much heartache, sweetie. Please remember that you have us here and that you are SAFE. He cannot hurt you anymore.

    I too am here this morning because I'm having flashbacks from abuse. A different kind, but the monster went to jail, though this was years ago and he is free. Still, I know now that he can never harm me again, and I have friends and family supporting me through the rought times.

    Here, you have friends, and I speak from experience that friends made online can even become as close as family. I have friends I have known for more than 10 years in communities such as this.

    Please hold on, sweetie. It DOES stop, I promise you, and you will feel powerful, and angry. Not weak and vulnerable as you do right now.
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :hug: thanks for the pm
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i used to have them frequently. they suck dirt and it feels as if it will never end. there is hope...I've not had any for over 20 years. Well, sort of. When i became depressed six months ago they creep up/sort of, every once in a while. I think when one is in a vulnerable or compromised space, there is a potential for things like that to creep back in.

    My perp went away for life. I was not his only victim. Even though i knew factually he was locked up, i was still afraid. Ugh, and there are memories other than just in your head...visual, tactile, odors, sounds, etc. Takes time. Certain pictures will never leave i think, but they kind of become diffused and lose their ability to set you off too much.

    It's like a matter of diffusing things in a way and it takes time. It is not easy. It hurts. It's painful. It's a process. You don't want to do it alone. You want to have supportive ppl and call on them. Just remember to not rely on just one person...everyone has off days. So if one person isn't there, reach out to someone else, and if no one, then you always have s.f. thank gawd for that. Meds can help too.

    So anyway, it's often difficult to talk about what happened, but it is one way of diffusing things. Also writing. I used to draw pictures of what i wanted to do to this person...it's the only time i've ever felt physically violent towards anyone or anything (and it was minimally violent...just a bit of torture). One critical thing to do, is to convince your mind that you are safe. It is almost a step by step process. Sometimes it means taking a class in self defense, or it could mean going through each fear/concern, and brainstorming/reasoning it out in your head (with someone's help) as to why you really are safe or how you can make yourself feel safe.

    Unfortunately, i think it's important to talk about the flashbacks/images etc. Also for some, being able to tell what happened from beginning to end is helpful but can take time. There are still certain aspects of what happened with me, that i cannot say the words. It's really weird, i have just never been able to say the words. I have found this to be true for many who have experienced traumas.

    Ah, some cities have groups, and it's a good way to connect with others who have had similar experiences. I think it's important for ppl to know they are not alone in an experience etc. For me, i could never find one...i have never met anyone else who was kidnapped so i have always felt a little alone, unable to share with someone who might be able to relate. :sad: that's bothered me a bit.
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    awww kali...i love you hun....im sorry for what that creep did to you.

    If you ever want to talk about it with me i am here for you....i think your right...i need to find someone i can tell everything to...

    i love you and im sorry he did that. :hug:
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    yeah, i think it is important for you to be able to tell it all. i honestly think it's critical for proper healing. Being safe when doing so is critical as well. Keep safe.

    Yeah, i don't know that it makes it easier for me, that it was a stranger...who knows? Perhaps it is easier since it wasn't someone who was supposed to protect me or keep me safe...ugh. Although my parents lost custody of me over this due to their irrational behavior following the event. It's funny as there was a racial component involved. That never bothered me for one second, yet it bothered everyone else. I never understood that, and i've never felt any animosity or any difference towards ppl of that race. None. Yet everyone else did. funny how ppl are. anyway, sorry for dumping my stuff in your thread. :hug:

    Trust is a big one too. Man it gets complex and complicated but you just work through each thing as it comes up. Take it a day at a time. Be gentle on yourself. Be around gentle ppl. :hug:
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :( Wish there was something I could do to help you. :hug:
  9. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I wish there was something I could say that would stop them or help. I know they are bad, I am working with my worker on how to help them. HUGS
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