Flat out rant (Pos. Trig.)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Vampira.Book, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    **reply only if you honestly know what to say**


    I am scared that I will fail everyone I know. I hate the person who currently is allowing me to stay under her roof because every time I fuck up she tears into me like a momma bear after a whole winters fucking hibernation!!!! I can't function here... when she found out I was a cutter she MADE IT WORSE she said I was stupid and worthless and I just fucking hate her damnit. ALl I fucking want is to be treated like a human being for once maybe then I wouldn't sit on my be each night sobbing while holding to a knife thinking "just one slice and it'll all be over" over with my brother's gun to my head hoping that for once I wouldn't be a mother fucking chicken and that I would just fucking be able to pull the fucking trigger and DIE just FUCKING DIE. I LONG FOR IT! WHY CAN'T I GET THE RESULTS I SO CRAVE!!!! please. . . just. . . for once give me the strength to die. . . I don't want to hurt anymore. . . please. . .
     
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Ah, but if you stay alive you won't fail everyone you know. They'd rather you stay on this Earth and keep fighting, instead of dying on them.

    Sometimes, people don't know how to react when they find out that someone is harming themselves, and so they react the only way they can think of: condemning the person. It doesn't mean that they don't care about you though. I understand what you mean when you say that it just makes things worse though... my parents reacted in pretty much the same way.

    You have probably heard this soooo many times before from so many other people, so please don't shoot me for this lol.. but it takes more strength to keep living than it does to pull the trigger.

    I wish that I had a magic wand to take away your pain, and everyone else's pain too... but sadly it's impossible. All I *can* say is that things do improve, over time. It is actually worth it to keep living.

    TDM