My eyes return to that inwhich was left behind. As I draw breath once, twice, and again, all I find myself doing is wishing that either I had lived another way, or not lived at all. The first being impossible, and the latter growing more to my likeness as time passes. A silly concept to be sure, but one that resounds throughout my mind more than any other thought that comes to pass. Nothing holds joy any longer. Even the old habbits inwhich form and fall from the fingertips, much as water, bear no interest. Sounds travel past unwanting ears, as I choose to ignore the words of people who's names I do not wish to remember. The faces of those around me bring nothing but pain, their actions remembered, their minds open, and emotions worn upon their sleeves show their malcontent with my existance. An existance inwhich, I am ashamed to say, has less meaning as the days progress in their endless path towards an unseen end. They say that hell is the concept of being parted from the presence of God. I, for one, shall argue this; for I know hell, and it is not God's presence inwhich I am lacking. A silly thought, once again, but I have dwelved deeper into the depression that my mind and soul has so long fought against. Doctors tell me that the chemicals inside my brain are confused, and unbalanced; they say that I need medication and treatment to cure my problems. They are wrong. I found, within the body of a woman, in rather short order, the cure to this disease of the mind. In her wake nothing of these problems remained. The depression and questions ended within their tracks, and all that was left was a stupidly grinning Me. I had not been me for so long that I had forgotten my own name, in a sense. With her, I could be myself, and no one could take that from me... until someone did. Its stunning how many tragic things in your life can happen, but it takes a small tragedy to throw your entire being back into a regression of mind states, that had been burried for so long. Perhaps it was indeed a large tragedy that took my control away, a control that had become my very being, but a tragedy to only myself. In closing... It truly amazes me how much pain the loss of one thing in your life can create. A thing that you never really had in the first place.