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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I've felt so horrible the past few weeks words can't even describe it... This constant severe fatigue, my sebborheic dermatitis is all flared up and irritating, severe loss in appetite... pain and sensations in my hands and feet... diarrhea a rash that is almost identicial to the ARS rash. It started off with severe lymph node pain and an extreme sense of discomfort a few days after having a couple stupid encounters..

    Working out and eating properly were a couple of the few things I enjoyed and I was possibly looking to make a career out of it, but now if I do have HIV that's all but impossible. I can barely watch TV without being consumed by fatigue and wanting to go lie in bed, or even my seborrheic dermamtitis itching and burning around my nose can also be very consuming on its own...

    I just know I have it and no I'm just not being a hypocondriac if you only knew how horrible I've been feeling.... I just can't get over the fact if I had it rest of my life is guranteed to be filled with severe fatigue and all kinds of other health issues.

    Seriously like WTF I dont think anyone understands or even cares to try..... You have no idea what its like to walk in my shoes and until you've walked in my shoes you can't judge me....... Things aren't always what they seem


    .. and to think it's a very real possibility I got set up and now one of these girls is lying to me.... this is my health and well being here...

    I just can't believe people pushed me that far sure I've slept around some maybe 50 girls in my lifetime max a fair amount were protected too.
    . Yhe bottom line is I have to either be the most unlucky guy in the world to have contracted HIV given all the other weird circumstances( see my other post about the past 12 months) or I was set the fuck up by someone who hated me and wanted to see me suffer.

    Their are prostitutes who sleep with 2000-3000 guys all unprotected and never get HIV ...... The odds are 1/1000 per act of contracting it when your partner is HIV POSITIVE.

    I'm just so pissed off at myself for letting this all happen..... I just wanted to be happy and have a normal life you know one girl I could trust and call my own.... go to work have a job I somewhat enjoyed, possibly in the fitness industry.. But now I can't even eat properly I've already dropped a few pounds not to mention my body composition has gotten worse.

    I've become somewhat irritating to be around and my whole thought process is consumed by how bad physically I feel. Not being able to eat right or the fatigue on the pain in my hands and feet is all a constant reminded something is very wrong with me and the only things I did were see these 2 girls 5 weeks ago.......

    Common sicknesses are pretty much always gone in 2 weeks or so.. and this sickness was and is unlike anything else I've felt...

    I seriously don't want to live like this for the rest of my life........... It's like living in a nightmare feeling this bad

    Why couldn't have things worked out for me....
     
  2. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    I'm definitely not judging you. I've had my share of experiences, its nothing I'm proud of, and I thank God that I haven't had any bad situations as a result. At the same time, everyone has to be better with using protection and everyone should definitely be getting tested. I know you may not want to hear the result, but these are your options:

    1) Don't get tested and every time you feel badly you'll wonder if its just a cold or something worse.
    2) Get tested and possibly-maybe hear bad news that allows you to know where you stand and what options you have.
    3) Get tested and find out that you're in the clear. :) You can then be more careful in the future.

    Oftentimes people think they have one thing, get tested, and find out that they don't have that thing at all. In this case, you may not have what you think. At that point other tests may determine exactly what the situation is. For example, maybe its a combination of dermalogical and thyroidal. Again, just an example. Good luck.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2010
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