Here we go again.. Be prepared for another self indulgent, self absorbed, selfish rant from yours truly. I'm back there. Where I was. I felt myself slipping for a while, and now I can slip no more. I've reached rock bottom. I should've tried reaching out when I had the chance, I should have accepted my workers help, instead of clinging to denial and refusing to face it. And now it's too late. I can't fight. I really can't. I fuck everything up. Everything I touch turns to shit. I'm such a bad person, and to live with that knowledge.. no, I won't. Why should I stay around, when not only am struggling through every minute, but I hurt people around me to? There is nothing good about me, nothing pure, nothing that could even be remotely confused with something positive. I'm evil, and gross, and people deserve better. I'm not enough. How could someone like me ever be enough? Why did I let people try and fool me into believing I was? That was so stupid of me. The very few people who still care would be better off without me. That's not self pitying, it's the truth. I've lost so many people, I've hurt so many, I've had so much shit to go through.. and it's me. I realize that now. I'm like a jinx, a magnet for trouble, for pain, for.. this. I cut tonight. Badly. I haven't done it this badly in months, usually it's just enough to try and distract, but I knew I couldn't be distracted today, I wanted as much pain as I could bring myself, because I honestly know that is what I deserve. And it hurts.. but it's not enough. I deserve more. I just.. I don't know what to do.