Ive decided to do what i say to others I am going back to doctors today even though my brain says let it go. I have asked for some test to be done blood work etc i am not going to just give up even though every fibre in me says give up. My T is away so emotionally i am a wreck so i hope i don't fall apart in dr office i will explain why i can't go to emerg to him. I am so weak and tired it is hard for me to even drive to dr office but if i stay here i will just sleep and i need some air. It is important to ignore your brain sometimes and do things you don't really want to if one is to get well even though your brain is saying give up. What is imprt is my daughters happiness and me getting to point where i dying is only going to cause her more stress i can't do that to her not that now she is trying i have to keep pushing myself to try to. please pray i don't fall apart i hate showing weakness in front of people especially professionals, I was always a fighter when i was young wish i could find that fighter again.