Food obsession. Fluctuating mood. Anyone know why I'm so weird?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by foreveryoung, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. foreveryoung

    foreveryoung Member

    This began when I was 15, 16 or something and I'm 23 now. First of all, I just want to say I've never been anorexic or underweight and I have no desire to be really, really thin. I've been a couple stone overweight at my heaviest, but at the moment I'm a healthy weight. I've felt depressed throughout most of my late teen/adult life. Anyway...
    For a month or two (sometimes more) I'll be really health conscious and I'll exercise often, counting calories in everything I eat and making sure I don't go over my limit. (If I do, I get angry.) But generally I'm in control and a lot more positive about things in general at this time. Although I feel happier, I still often experience low mood but it's totally bearable and I don't feel hopeless.. I can function. Most of my time is spent thinking about good health/weight loss and I'll often splash out. Over the past year or two I've bought myself a treadmill, a good food processor, a good bike, health/cook books.. ect. All of which I completely forget about when I'm in the 'other' state of mind...
    Boom. Mega binge, averaging 3-6 weeks. I'll binge eat, every day like crazy. Eating 2000+ calories every day, often eating until I feel sick and can't eat no more. I'll feel guilty and depressed as hell but nothing will stop me. This is when I feel completely hopeless... I don't know if the binging/weight gain causes this mood or whether the binging is a response to an oncoming depression. Perhaps both? I really do not know.
    I've been binge eating for 6 or 7 weeks now and at the moment I feel really, really low. I've put on a stone.
    I can't be bothered with anything at all. So many negative thoughts. I'm sure you know that feeling. I was looking at old pictures earlier and I cried straight for an hour. I knew it was a stupid idea. Looking at them when I'm really depressed just makes me realise how my life has changed from a happy kid to who I am now.
    So yeah, I'm just waiting for this 'episode' to end. It's due to end any time now, actually and I can't wait.
    Anyone know why I izz so weird then?
  2. alizia

    alizia New Member

    can i say something? you will have to stay positive trust me, there is nothing that you can not do i was 116kg i have belive on me and thats how i lost 30 kg and i can send you my pictures too, you want someone to keep you motivated trust me and i can be that give me a chance