? for fellow forum readers: Should I muster the courage to date?

[SherryInMaryland]

Hi, fellow forum readers,

I would welcome your thoughts on this question: Should I muster the courage to date?

I'm in my 30s and would like to be married some day, maybe even have a family. However, I've suffered for years with chronic depression. I continue to seek solutions, but so far, the medications I've tried (in combination with therapy) have only helped minimally. I do maintain a F/T job as well as a circle of good friends, so I am grateful for these things. Still, I face the uncertainty of not knowing how many months or years I will struggle on a daily basis before finding a long-term "solution" for this chronic illness.

From your experiences, fellow readers, do you think that I should try to date? I've been avoiding dating because I fear that it would be unfair to allow a guy to waste his time getting to know a gal who isn't able right now to do a lot of the daily things that most men would want in a wife----good housekeeper and cook, mainly. (Although I'm able to get through most days with a smile on my face and am fortunate to be seen as a popular colleague and appreciated friend, I'm usually so exhausted from these efforts that I'm a messy housekeeper and a takeout/frozen food gal because of lack of energy in the evenings.) Would I be cheating a fellow by possibly letting him fall for a gal who might not be able to provide him with the full "wife package"?

(By the way, my friends often ask why I'm not dating, etc., because, in the words of one of my friends' husbands, "You're way too nice to be single." So, basically, I'm a likeable gal, a good conversationalist, etc.----just afraid that, while battling depression as a chronic illness, I might not be all that a good life partner should be!)

Thanks in advance for your help, fellow readers!

 

[cult logic]

It's the 21st century, the "full wife package" can mean anything nowadays.

A guy would have to be a REAL douche to be turned off to someone because they aren't a housekeeper or can't cook.

I would be screwed I guys were like that. :sad:

But they're not. Not good ones, anyway.

 

[Random]

Well, you have to think it through before you do anything. For one thing, you know that you're in an emotionally vulnerable state and I'm not saying it necessarily would happen but there are men who would take advantage of that and you could end up in a bad relationship. If that happened, would you be strong enough or have the support to get away from him?

On the other hand, if things just didn't work out, you might end up feeling even worse than you do now.

On the bright side of things, men can be very accommodating for a good woman. And don't sell yourself short. Simply having depression doesn't mean you aren't a good woman. Neither does it mean that if you aren't a gook housekeeper. You will simply have to find the right man. Some men don't mind doing housework and cooking and so forth. Some actually enjoy it. The most important thing would be to make sure he knows from day one that you don't keep a spotless house.

If it is something you wish to do, I would say go for it. But cautiously. You don't have to rush into anything. Maybe test the waters a bit. There are a lot of good and lonely men out there.

 

[LetItGo]

- while its nice to have someone feed you and clean up after your mess, its hardly an expectation these days lol. Its something that should be shared fairly equally I feel. In saying that, some people are just better cooks than others, and hey...I still think its true - "the way to a mans heart is through his stomach". It you can cook, fine, if you cant...no big deal.

- conversation is important, being able to talk to your partner (worst word ever) about their day, your day, and life in general will only make the relationship stronger. So if you like to talk, thats great! Im not that great at talking myself, an area im trying to improve upon.

- you have a job, so financially things should be ok. I only say that because having money allows you to enjoy life in ways you simply cant when you dont, and that will also help foster an interesting and fun relationship.

The big D...this is why I think under these circumstances you should really focus on making male friends, get to know somebody over a long period of time, become comfortable with each other, and eventually you can bring up the topic of depression, and the fact you really struggle with it. Some people might say step straight into the dating thing hard, I dunno, dont date, havent dated - would it scare some people off if you mentioned your history straight away? Quite possibly. Depends on the person. I guarantee you that if you find a guy that suffers from it as well, he will be a lot more accepting of it...People that suffer from any health condition are always more accepting of fellow sufferers I have found. Of course then you have to deal with his condition and your own, and SF shows that often fails, but sometimes also works. In a nutshell.

- concentrate on friendship first and foremost
- converse, get involved in their life
- when you feel things are going along well, id mention the depression and see what happens. If I was committed to someone I enjoyed being around, I wouldnt leave them over depression.
- no principles that always work...no easy answers...

Thats what I reckon...but hey I am about as novice as it gets in this area.

I will say I think its worth it, because if you do find someone and the relationship works, Im thinking that chronic depression will be replaced by something a little less chronic

 

[WildCherry]

My advice would be to go for it, but take things slowly. REALLY take the time to get to know someone you're interested in.