For many years now I've contemplated suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Israel Regardie, Aug 24, 2010.

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  1. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    For many years now I've contemplated suicide. Allthough there have been moments of contentment, for the last two years things have been spiraling downwards, and I see no bright or even liveable future.

    Anti-depressents made things worked, and subsequent drug abuse both helped and worsened things.

    I'm not quite sure what I expect here... Just to... well perhaps I need to cry for help. Perhaps that I'm even here is proof that I will not commit suicide tonight, or perhaps it is to leave some last words (though, and I can not make this clear enough, is NOT a suicide letter or anything like that!)
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    IT is a cry for help for understanding i do understand the darkness how it swallows you up and drains the life out of you. You at this point need to continue to reach out for help okay Time to change your meds a bit different ones perhaps increase the ones on ask you doctor okay for help Therapy it help some too You are not alone in this okay the cycle of depression is a vicious one but know with help you can have some light back okay Call your doctor get help for you okay so you can start feeling a little better I know it is hard to reachout when you are drained but do it okay pick up phone and tell doctor help needed now okay get feeling better. take care
     
  3. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    I've seen many doctors in my life, so far none of them has helped. It seems noone is understanding the problem
     
  4. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    What is the least painless method? Go ahead, ban me, I'm sure that will make me more happy
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm not going to ban you, but you can't discuss methods here. I'm listening though, if you want to talk about what's wrong and what's brought you to this point.
     
  6. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    All I want is love.
     
  7. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    I'm so lonely
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Does talking to people online help ease the loneliness at all? Is there anyone you can talk to or spend time with in person?
     
  9. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    can you talk anyone there?
     
  10. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    No, it doesnt ease it at all
     
  11. Israel Regardie

    Israel Regardie Active Member

    ....not at all. Does anyone care?

    Everything is more complicated than
    you think. You only see a tenth of
    what is true. There are a million
    little strings attached to every
    choice you make; you can destroy
    your life every time you choose.
    But maybe you won't know for twenty
    years. And you'll never ever trace
    it to its source. And you only get
    one chance to play it out. Just try
    and figure out your own divorce.
    And they say there is no fate, but
    there is: it's what you create.
    Even though the world goes on for
    eons and eons, you are here for a
    fraction of a fraction of a second.
    Most of your time is spent being
    dead or not yet born. But while
    alive, you wait in vain, wasting
    years, for a phone call or a letter
    or a look from someone or something
    to make it all right. And it never
    comes or it seems to but doesn't
    really. And so you spend your time
    in vague regret or vaguer hope for
    something good to come along.
    Something to make you feel
    connected, to make you feel whole,
    to make you feel loved.

    and the truth is I'm so angry and
    the truth is I'm so fucking sad,
    and the truth is I've been so
    fucking hurt for so fucking long
    and for just as long have been
    pretending I'm ok, just to get
    along, just for, I don't know why,
    maybe because no one wants to hear
    about my misery, because they have
    their own, and their own is too
    overwhelming to allow them to
    listen to or care about mine.
    Well, fuck everybody.
    Amen.
     
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