For my fellow agoraphobes

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#1
How do you pass the time? And how do you cope with the loneliness?

I mean specifically when you live alone. See, I'm accustomed to almost always having someone home with me. My wife didn't work and her sister lived with us so, even when she was out running errands or whatever, I very rarely had to spend much time by myself.

But now I don't have that. I'm alone all the time. The days are long as hell and I've got nothing to do but to think and dwell on shit, and no one to distract me from those thoughts.

So what do you guys do with yourselves all day? How do you distract yourselves?
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
I'm not agoraphobic but as you know I used to be for a very long time. Passed by days my playing online poker, talking here on SF, calling the Samaritans for company that understood what I was going through. Do you leave the house at all? Or just very rarely? Find something you love doing whether that be writing or exercising or helping others. That was how I passed my days but I have never lived alone so can't really help there. Have you tried searching for other forums with agoraphobic people? Or maybe agoraphobic helplines, knowledge is power. I sympathise with what you are going through, please know, I am always here for you, always :)
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#3
I stay inside my apartment by myself most days. I have two cats and they're great company. Used to share a house with two roommates, and I think I actually prefer not having to share a living space with other humans. Right now I'm taking online classes, which eats up a big chunk of time. When I have some time to spare I'll draw or read things besides my textbooks. Having internet access gives me access to a ton of movies and TV shows, as well. If my thoughts get too distracting I'll listen to music to drown them out.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#6
Do you leave the house at all? Or just very rarely?
Hardly at all. I sell plasma, take in recycling, and go grocery shopping, so I'm out of the house for maybe three hours a week on average.

I try to do the things that used to make me happy, but I just can't bring myself to care. Anything I have to actively participate in feels like a chore, and I have trouble focusing for very long.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#7
@Paisley Pets are the best. I gotta get myself back to the point where I can be responsible for another living creature. I've gotten friendly with this one cat that lives in my neighborhood though. I'll go outside sometimes in the middle of the night for fresh air, and if she sees me she'll come over to get petted. It's the one of very few things that can actually get a smile out of me nowadays.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#8
I try to do the things that used to make me happy, but I just can't bring myself to care. Anything I have to actively participate in feels like a chore, and I have trouble focusing for very long.
What about things that don't require active participation? Watching movies, listening to music, or listening to audiobooks/podcasts? Music in particular doesn't really require any sort of concentration.
@Paisley Pets are the best. I gotta get myself back to the point where I can be responsible for another living creature. I've gotten friendly with this one cat that lives in my neighborhood though. I'll go outside sometimes in the middle of the night for fresh air, and if she sees me she'll come over to get petted. It's the one of very few things that can actually get a smile out of me nowadays.
I'm sure that cat appreciates you. I'm on the third floor of an apartment building now so I can't do this anymore, but I used to leave out food for the strays when I lived in my old neighbourhood. Once you feel more like you can handle taking care of a pet again, maybe consider volunteering as a foster home for a local animal shelter?
 
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Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
Hi @Gonz I truly know how hard it is and how hard it is to break the cycle. Staying indoors away from the big bad world gives you a false sense of security. Maybe try getting out at late evening for a walk when there's hardly anyone around and maybe next time the cat comes over feed the cat :) You need to find more things to make you smile...what do you think realistically you could do that you would feel comfortable with? Yay for the internet btw, thats one way of communication with the rest of the world. What is your biggest fear about being outside?
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#10
What about things that don't require active participation? Watching movies, listening to music, or listening to audiobooks/podcasts? Music in particular doesn't really require any sort of concentration.
I do, but my mind wanders and I find myself lost in those negative thoughts. Sometimes I find something that engages my attention for a little while, but it never lasts. Music is good, music helps.

Fostering animals would be good. Alleviate some of the loneliness while I do something worthwhile. Just gotta get myself to a better headspace.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#11
Hi @Gonz I truly know how hard it is and how hard it is to break the cycle. Staying indoors away from the big bad world gives you a false sense of security. Maybe try getting out at late evening for a walk when there's hardly anyone around and maybe next time the cat comes over feed the cat :) You need to find more things to make you smile...what do you think realistically you could do that you would feel comfortable with? Yay for the internet btw, thats one way of communication with the rest of the world. What is your biggest fear about being outside?
Yay for the internet indeed, if it wasn't for the internet I'd go weeks without talking to another person. Realistically, I don't know. The things I really want are unrealistic, and all the stuff I can think of that helps is no good for me, only makes things worse. You're right, I should go for walks. Late at night when there's no one around. Won't be enough, but it'll be better than not leaving at all.

It's being around other people that scares me. At my best I'm awkward and anxious and convinced that everyone is watching and judging me. At my worst I'm convinced that they're following me and spying on me and hearing my thoughts. Only way I can shut all that shit out of my head and not have to think about it is to isolate myself, be around people as little as possible, but that brings its own set of problems.

Which sucks, because what I really want and need is to have people around, but I don't know how to be around them, and everyone I used to feel safe with is either dead or has left to live their lives without me, and the only coping mechanism I had that really worked for dealing with the outside world or social situations was to drag one of those safe people (almost always my wife) around with me like a security blanket.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#12
I feel for you, I truly do mainly because I can understand your feelings so much, I relate largely. My advice would be to go for walks early in the morning (its the best time of year for that) and late in the evening and hopefully that will lessen your anxieties even a small bit. I would also suggest that you google agoraphobia associations in your area, you could also e-mail the out and about association, they would never turn anyone away even if you're in a different country.

When your coping mechanisms are unhealthy they are even harder to break in my experience. When I was agoraphobic I refused to even open the curtains, I was vomiting daily from anxiety, it was a living hell, its no wonder I thought that suicide was the solution but looking back it never, ever is.

Please do something for me. Tomorrow is the first of July, make this a start and turning point in your recovery, go for the early/late walks, get out more for groceries, research agoraphobia help in your area. Make a list of things you can do to help you break free of current habits and if need be I will talk to you as much as you want as I have been there, I know how hard it is. I know the battles and know you can overcome your obstacles but at the end of the day its up to you to do it and make it happen and I fully believe and have faith that you can.

You're a lovely person, you should be enjoying life, let's make a start on this recovery of yours *hugs* :)
 
#14
I've lived alone just over a year, I play video games, listen to music, watch movies/tv, draw, paint, write, read, look up stuff I find interesting online (like, for almost a year now I've been interested in health and nutrition and I make notes on things that may help me or others in future), I've looked up all sorts of things the past year, I find the world and existence to be hugely interesting, I have quite a decent view from my home so sometimes just watch the world go by, watch the birds, I love seeing the baby seagulls at this time of year, I used to have hamsters (it was nice having another living thing in the house even though they slept all day! They get up for a drink in the day and even that was nice :)), colour in, clean (i seem to be forever cleaning but it keeps my mind off things so that's good), throw or kick a soft ball around, 'talk' to people online, watch youtube vloggers (this seems to help with the loneliness as I do feel they're talking to me, even though they're not, lol), cuddling plushies helps too - really helps me sleep, list and sell things I no longer need or want on ebay (this is helpful as it forces me to go outside if things do sell). It's not easy and I don't think I'll ever truly like living alone but I have found the above things make it a bit more bearable.

Other things that have helped are: going to therapy kind of regularly and going to groups with people who have similar interests as myself.
 
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Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#15
Please do something for me. Tomorrow is the first of July, make this a start and turning point in your recovery, go for the early/late walks
So I think the world may be conspiring with you to get me to go outside. I mean, honestly, I probably wasn’t going to do this today, but there were power outages all day. No TV, no internet, no air conditioning. Nothing to do and too hot to sleep. So I put my headphones in and went for a walk.

It was kinda nerve-wracking because it was full on daytime and there were people out and I was sure they were all staring at the weirdo walking down their street and deciding whether or not to call the cops (I mean, in reality they were probably just glancing at the neighbor they don’t see very often) and, the farther I got from home (which was barely over a mile), the more anxious I got. Felt a panic attack brewing and had to turn back much sooner than I’d planned. Can’t tell you what a relief it was to get back inside and shut the door behind me.

But hey, I did it. I left the house when it wasn’t 100% necessary. Yay me?
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#16
But hey, I did it. I left the house when it wasn’t 100% necessary. Yay me?
This the best news I could possibly hear today, I am so delighted to hear that, amazing stuff, with all going on in your mind you still toughed it out, well bleeding done, I am so proud of you :) Congrats :)
 

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