For some reason, this is the only place I'm open

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Wrick Malcof

Well-Known Member
#1
I don't have anyone to talk to. No one in my life is comfortable with hearing about my issues. I don't hold that against anyone. I can't say I wouldn't do the same. Still, it's pretty shitty having pages of things you wanna discuss and not a soul willing enough to listen without the protective barrier of the internet. I know I shouldn't bottle things up but, at this point it seems I can't afford not to keep things quiet. I feel trapped. I really just wanna fade away
 
#2
Yeah it sucks when no one in your immediate vicinity wants to know. I have that problem also. Don't bottle it up. If you have a need to write then definately please do that.
 

Wrick Malcof

Well-Known Member
#4
Writing here is starting to feel just as fruitless. Sure I get responses. But even here I'm scared to say the whole truth. I get a strong feeling that no one wants to listen to the whole thing. I can't understand why they would. As noble as everyone I've encountered here is, it seems no one in their right mind would sit themselves through it. Hence why I feel trapped. With each week I feel like there are less and less places to turn
 
#5
Writing here is starting to feel just as fruitless. Sure I get responses. But even here I'm scared to say the whole truth. I get a strong feeling that no one wants to listen to the whole thing. I can't understand why they would. As noble as everyone I've encountered here is, it seems no one in their right mind would sit themselves through it. Hence why I feel trapped. With each week I feel like there are less and less places to turn
Try us. I will listen
 

Wrick Malcof

Well-Known Member
#6
So how do I start? I feel like I'm forced to be alive. My decisions almost never feel like my own. I lie to everyone so they won't disrupt their status quo over my problems. I constantly feel like I'm not supposed to be alive.

When I was a child I remember feeling disconnected. Like I wasn't a part of the world around me. In high school it became a really noticeable feeling. It's been almost non stop since grade 11. Friendships are hollow, and hobbies are pointless. At this point, I'm pretending to be who everyone remembers me to be. Who they think they know as me.

The world around me is tormenting. I'm always seeing something about building a future. As if providence is mocking me. "Look at this amazing thing you don't want!" It shout as it laughs. I only ever go out to work, and I only work because of my aforementioned charade.

Even all of this is starting to feel fake. Like i'm crying for help because its just what I've seen people do.

It's shameful to not want to be alive, but pretending to be alive is just as bad in my opinion
 
#7
I don't have anyone to talk to. No one in my life is comfortable with hearing about my issues. I don't hold that against anyone. I can't say I wouldn't do the same. Still, it's pretty shitty having pages of things you wanna discuss and not a soul willing enough to listen without the protective barrier of the internet. I know I shouldn't bottle things up but, at this point it seems I can't afford not to keep things quiet. I feel trapped. I really just wanna fade away
my email is <mod edit - personal info>so for reference you can talk there, lots of love sweetheart, this sucks but youre in understanding company
 
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#8
So how do I start? I feel like I'm forced to be alive. My decisions almost never feel like my own. I lie to everyone so they won't disrupt their status quo over my problems. I constantly feel like I'm not supposed to be alive.

When I was a child I remember feeling disconnected. Like I wasn't a part of the world around me. In high school it became a really noticeable feeling. It's been almost non stop since grade 11. Friendships are hollow, and hobbies are pointless. At this point, I'm pretending to be who everyone remembers me to be. Who they think they know as me.

The world around me is tormenting. I'm always seeing something about building a future. As if providence is mocking me. "Look at this amazing thing you don't want!" It shout as it laughs. I only ever go out to work, and I only work because of my aforementioned charade.

Even all of this is starting to feel fake. Like i'm crying for help because its just what I've seen people do.

It's shameful to not want to be alive, but pretending to be alive is just as bad in my opinion
I truly can relate to many things you have said. I also felt disconnected as a child. From a very young age, I felt that I was born a hundred years too late.

I never felt that I had much in common with or fit in with kids my age. I gravitated towards my grandparents and their friends. I hated being a child growing up in the 70s. Everything seemed so brash and vulgar to me.

I have always said that I have lived my life waiting to die. Even at the age of 8 years old I knew that I didn't want to be here. I'm just waiting. It frustrates me that I have to think of things to do to fill my time until it's time to go.

The thing that keeps me from following through, is because I don't know what happens next.
 
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