I have been depressed. I tried telling my grandmother once, and she dismissed it. I have never been happy, and have grew to be bitter to the world. For the last four years I spent my life with an amazing person! She loved me regardless of what was going on in my life. That was the closest I ever got to being happy. I wanted to fix things, so I go to a psychiatrist, and a councilor. I try being a nicer person; not so black and white. And after four years, she wont even speak to me. I'm on so many meds I can't stand it. I can't play the piano very much because they make my hands shake. So for all this trying to improve me; I have nothing to show for it. I can't keep crawling through life.