For the first time in my life I am scared I will actually try to commit suicide. I've never been so depressed and alone. Not to this level. I've self harmed over the last 3 days. I just couldn't handle it anymore. My anxiety is really high, even to this moment. I can hear myself screaming in my head. I feel engulfed in sadness. The pain in my wrist.. I can no longer put a fake smile on my face. Can no longer fake happiness. I can't stop the sadness that creeps my thoughts. I don't want this. I want to feel alive. I don't remember that feeling anymore. For the first time I am truly afraid I will end it all. I would leave no note, no goodbyes, I'd just do it. I no longer see a point to living, no longer the desire to hold on anymore. My soul cries out, and my body says goodby. Perhaps this is my official cry for help, because I can't hold on any longer.