There is no point to this thread. I can't tell you why or even describe it. For the last week this depression has sneaked up on me in spurts, and seemingly festering a little more each time; Eating away at me. Of course, it comes and goes, I know that. I know I will probably feel okay again tomorrow... But, it comes harder each time, and I'm not sure I want the next wave. It's impossible to explain of course. Most of it stems from this relationship that ended four years ago. I've made a thread for it, but no one replies anymore. She left me four years ago and I was incredibly painful at first. I drank, took drugs, got addicted, and went through hell. Then it got better. But now, now that its back, it's worse. Cause now the event is so distant... Now it's so far away that it just feel too painful. You're supposed to suffer after a break-up, then feel better. But no one says what you should to if, four years later, it comes back and its even worse. You can get sympathy, even help, when the break-up is fresh, but after four years most people don't understand. Here I am, suffering something that happened four years ago. How is that possible? HOW can you deal with something that old? There are other things aswell. And there is an element of something foreign to it too. Like it's biological. Or a disease. Like everything is clouded grey, for no reason, and I cannot shake this awful feeling. It's like something really bad happened... but nothing has happened. My father is very ill. Probably not much time left. That could be it. My failing current relationship. That could be it. Getting my novel rejected... That could be it. But... the core of it is just hopelessness and irrational depression. I dont know why I wrote this. Please feel free to read about the relationship at the other thread... http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?114623-Why-can-t-I-let-go&p=1275080#post1275080 Sorry.