? for those that attempted and survived

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wunderwood, Mar 12, 2009.

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  1. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    I was wondering what your experience was in between the time when you took x,y or z or did a,b, or c? Were you calm? Did you get scared and call someone? Did you really think what you were going to do would work or were you just hoping?

  2. dreamachine

    dreamachine Active Member

    It has varied for me personally. My "major" attempt that got me in the hospital, I was really calm, but also since before I blacked out I was high.. I called my best friend and told her because I wanted to say bye, but I was definitely still calm and laughing and stuff the whole time. She called 911.

    I've done some minor ones since, but usually in a way that I hope death "surprises" me.. such as I put myself at risk, but I can't bring myself to actually do it again because now I am never calm, and I'm always scared. I sometimes I wish I could have either not been such an idiot the first time or at least if I could just feel that calmness about it again..
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    all of them ive felt really calm whilst doing so. almost pleased with myself that id finally found the answer. also felt like i was outside of myself though. like i was watching myself do it as well
  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i felt kinda the same, calmed, very but very sad, and then idk because i fell asleep and woke up 2 days later.
  5. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    I was really calm too. I was in total control. I didn't call anyone. Just went to sleep but woke up...
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    My attempts were great vents for my depression. All of a sudden the anxiety and melancholy vanished leaving a great calm. There was a sense of pride in being able to control my life absolutely. On some occasions I feel asleep content (before waking up in my vomit, or waking up to vomit), other times I just marveled at all the blood I could let.

    I was sincerely disappointed when I wouldn't die. I can't begin to describe the feeling of knowing that escape from life may be impossible!
  7. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    It has varied. The very first time I tried it was terrifying, but I was determined and tried not to think about it. But as I was writing a suicide note, I just completely broke down into sobs, and my mother came and called for an ambulance. I lost consciousness and woke up the next morning in hospital full of tubes, after an apparently violent night in IC with seizures and even flatlining. I just felt stunned afterwards because I had not expected to still be alive.

    The most recent attemt I was very calm about it though the whole way through. Although I was very scared in the back of my mind. I believed it would succeed, but just ended up with temporary paralysis instead. Afterwards I just felt desperate, and was hecticly trying to work out some other available method. Although I gained a bit of calm a few days after that.
  8. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Heh i probably had the lamest suicide attempt EVER!
    took pills that later i found that you cant OD on them
    as some medications against depression are designed so that
    in case the person using them want to OD, so that they won kill him
    or in fact do anything to him... and i fall to this lame trap lol...
    but before i knew it, right after i took them i had some weird crap
    going on with me, guess it was psychological, i went to sleep
    and kept waking up because i felt like something is touching me
    and i didnt see anyone, so i panicked and called 911, lame i know!
    and then they forced me to pay full price for the ride to the hospital
    plus to pay for the tests they done to me...

    the only thing that is good from all this that i remember
    is the feeling that right after the first attempt i could easily go on to the second
    i lost this fear i had that stopped me all the time, but with time i gained
    fear again and here i am today, with my shitty life...
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I felt calm and thought I could call a doctor, but I won't.
  10. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    i felt calm, in control

    than dizzy and major chest pain and than I wondered what the fuck I was doing, so I called my mom and she called an ambulance..

    I got scared cause i had no control over my body..
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    My first time I was thirteen and was very sareene(spelling). I felt no remorse at all. The only reason I changed my mind was I didn't want to be Gator Bait..I live in Florida and there are gators everywhere..If my friends I was swimming with didn't pull me out of the water I would have succeeded..My last two attempts were when I was older both times trying to OD. My only problem was I had been on that certain med for eight years and had built a high tolerance to it..So I would wake up the next day all swollen up.Both of those times I can't say if I was calm or not because the state of mind I was in I was just totally numb..
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