For those who have loved ones and contemplate suicide....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chooselife, Oct 24, 2009.

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  1. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    Today marked yet another successful turn out for the AFSP (The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) Their Out of the Darkness Community walks have been taking place across the country periodically throughout the year. Today, I attended one of them.

    Beneath the dark cloudy skies that opened with a torrential downpour we took time out of our lives to support those who have lost loved ones to suicide.

    I mingled with many of the survivors families, and told my story. But why was I even there? I had not lost anyone to suicide, I had attempted.

    When asked by a volunteer who I had lost, I replied "Myself" She looked at me kinda strange of course, but the more I elaborated she understood and praised me for coming out. I went because I am anti-suicide, I went because I wanted to support those left behind through their pain, and by walking the 5K I felt proud that I did not succeed in the quest to end my life.

    The family, friends, and associates who attended on behalf of their lost loved one had grieved an intolerable pain. A pain so immense one can only imagine you never truly heal. These families were so devastated that some of their healing comes through advocacy of prevention. No more suicide, fight the stigma so those who need the help are not ignored. Talk about this taboo subject so people are not so afraid of it.

    Prior to this event I had spoken with other families who had lost loved ones through suicide. Some resented me because my attempt failed, while their loved one had succeeded and their pain caused this bitterness and anger. Today I was accepted because I too am trying to fight the stigma.

    So those who contemplate suicide, do you want to put your parents, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, spouses, through such agonizing pain? This is something you truly need to think about, and it is really fair?

    Do you even care? I know some people say "They wouldn't miss me, or they don't care anyway so why should I" Someone, somewhere, will feel the pain of your suicide. When I attempted in all honesty it didn't even occur to me because I was so caught up in my own destructive abyss. I would have hurt so many people without even realizing which is why I am writing this. It would have absolutely killed my sister. The pain I could have put her through would have been far more intense than my pain I am sure..... and why? Because I decided my own pain was too much for me to bare. Is that selfish? Only you know your answer.

    So, please just think about that.
     
  2. Sad Rabbit

    Sad Rabbit Account Closed

    I'm sure what you have said is true and I would not want to contradict it.

    However, I have come close many times recently to finishing it. From my perspective, any "secondary hurt" my actions may cause does not even remotely come into question. Because basically, I don't care. I am way, way past that point. If I thought someone had the slightest hint of being concerned about me, then maybe my feelings would perhaps change. I don't know. But I have lived my years knowing people don't.

    Besides, whatever residual pain anyone should suffer at my death is only a tiny fraction of the pain I am living with at the moment. I should add that in my case, there is no one who would hurt, simply because I live my life without anyone being close to me, which negates that arguement. The worst case senario is I would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience. In fact, there will be quite a few people who will be glad if I decide to "off" myself - and I will take great satisfaction knowing I will make the world a better place by not being in it. And it is to them people I apologise for still being alive at the present time.
     
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