where to start i don't know, why here i guess cause you shared this place with me and i know at some point you will be back here to see this. i remember that first day we talked as if we had know each other for years. then every day you smiled as i walked by and not a fake effort but as if you really where happy to see me, if you only know what i wanted if i only had the courage to ask you. then the night while the others played pool and you and i sat away from them all and you asked me why i had never asked you on a date. the truth is because i was afraid that you would say no and that would have crushed me. next thing i know you are going out with your marine and that was worse because i hated the way he treated you. do you remember the night i asked you to cut my throat, or the night i dared you do run me over as i sat on the hood of your car? see i couldn't find the nerve to do it myself then and i figured you understood what i was going threw so you might do things for me, what a stupid fuck i was then and still am now. i don't know how to shut you off, i know i should to give you the time and space that you need. then problem is what do i do about my needs, i try to ignore them and they just keep coming back i can't stop them. now once again i have ruined things between us because of what i want and can not have. i miss your touch, your laughter, the twinkle in your eyes, hearing you purr, your smile, the way you dig your nails into my back and try to pull me threw you. i have never wanted anyone the way i want you, i am so sorry that i can't shut that off the way you want me too. i have felt so alone for so long until i met you. now i sit here with blood soaking my waist band and it still will not dull the hurt inside of me. there is so much more i want to say to you and i just can't find the right words. i just wish you wouldn't believe i am just another one of the sheep in the herd that follows you around. i am so sorry for everything i have done wrong, maybe it is to much rum of i finally have found the courage but i have to stop it pain. i never know what love was until i met you.