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Forbidden Happiness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perishable, Oct 18, 2007.

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  1. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Forgive me. But I think I cannot retrieve happiness. I feel like settling down into my seat and sobbing until I drown in my own tears. Every time I try and make things positive and make them work...they fall beneath my wanted heaven and burn to dust in hell.
    I think God forgot about me.
    I fell from religion.
    I believe hes there, but he must be as sadistic as the devil himself.
    Or, atleast it seems that way.

    I tried to be friends with my mother. She crushed me. She ripped my heart straight out from my chest and stomped on it, stabbed it until I can no longer bear to live with her. I have ran away from home. She still has not forgave me. But I did not ask to be. I just wish to be far from her as possible. She has no sympathy for me. I am the oldest child and the most hated of all 5.

    Besides that. I tried to work on my self. My body. I have internal intestinal problems... Fuck. It hurts to know im broken inside. No matter how well I eat or how much I exercise, I will always feel pain. Useless....

    I do not comply with society. Their cloned ways of thinking.
    They think to revoltingly. They're selfish. They have no compassion.

    Im poor. I wish to go to college. Its going to be difficult.

    I cant fully explain why I feel the way I do. But, I want to kill myself.
    I cut my wrist the other day. It itches. Like its asking my to finish the job.
    I dont see what I'll miss.

    Living another day. Living through another suffrage. I never get anything I want. I never get anything I need. I feel like I am forever doomed to feel ill and misused. Im a worthless piece of shit. Not meant to do anything but complain and bitch about things. If I do try and make ammends and fix things, they work partially, but the idea is ultimately slapped in my face.
    I'm tired of being backstabbed. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired.
    Im sick, tired, exhausted. No matter how many times I retire I feel so light headed and drowzy.....
    Death leans upon me...Awaiting my sword to stop the beats of my heart.


    I want to give in badly.
    I dont give a flying fuck who misses me.

    Everyone is so enclosed. No one expresses their love. This earth revolves around evil and feeds on the pure. The understanding... The genuine. You and me alike. Their are so many intellectuals in this forum. We all must understand the evils that everyone else is so blind to.
    fuck like. Give it sodomy and let it bleed to death. This shit doesnt flow straight with me. I just wish to have a moment of happiness. I never had.
    From the moment my innocent childhood came to an end, all hell was let loose on my existance.


    ......kill me.

  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I think the best parts of life has to be childhood and dying.

    Even in a bad childhood, you have dreams, energy, spirit, imagination, bright hopes and fantasies of the future. But then the responsibilites, realizations, and burdens of adulthood erodes them away.

    As for the dying. Those near death know their lives are over, so they kick back and watch The Price is Right. Sounds cool to me!
  3. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    haha. Thats true.
    I've never thought about it that way.
  4. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    I hate dreams, wishes, and hope...
    I have no worries or regrets.

    But I do reminisce.
    The past loves to fuck with me.

    Just want to...perish.
  5. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Nice post mate, I feel exactly the same way.
  6. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Western society these days is terribly selfish and decadent. Stay strong achieve your goals as you can and be proud of your accomplishments.
  7. Sheath

    Sheath Member

    Even in the most hopeless darkness hides the bleakes rays of hope. some times itmay come just in time or too late when the deed is done. one way we dont usually notice if at all is it may come too soon, at a time when we may not need yet. for me, it came before needed. it was a dream of hope, of someone who cares for me. yet even at times where i am most confident the hope looks half bate, untrue, and like some form of trickery. but... if we end it, how will we kow if it is true or not..? we cant. we cant even know if it is waiting for us within death. nor will we ever know if there IS hope still awaiting us in life. but if we end the game early, there will most likely be but one choice left: Eternity. we have oneone thing in common: the thin strand of threat that holds us to this world called life. without it, the bond that connects and keeps us from oblivion is gone. I hope you take some time to think this over, ~from the heart of Lilica~
  8. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    That is true for pretty much every society. I still think few people who are able to claim benefits and live off the government in the west are really lucky because in 3rd world countries there are no benefits. You have to fight for mere survival right from childhood or else you will end up on streets and probably die before 20-25.
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Yeah. I remember a friend of mine telling me how bleak her life was and I felt it for her so bad that I asked to come stay with me, she could live with us and we would take care of her. She lives in a third world country where the kids outside her home beat animals to death and throw rocks at the only person, an elderly woman, who tries to help the animals. The police force simply can't be bothered to do anything about it, it is a really hopeless place to live. Her school sucks and even when she finishes, she has to join the military for 2 years and when I asked her what would she do there she just said "I don't know, suffer?" and my heart sank for her. If she leaves the country before that she can never return, they'll throw her in jail. I really did not know what to tell her so I told her things would turn out alright in the end and she laughed in my face, a bitterly hopeless kind of laugh, she knew it was a crock and so did I.

    She's such a beautiful girl, inside and out, her only crime being born in the wrong place at the wrong time. It sure as hell blows any problems I ever had out of the water.
  10. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    There's no benefits.

    As for goals. Self appreciation does not exist in me.
    I can't find anything to live for that will satisfy my urge to gain bliss.
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