Forever it seems

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Silently-Hated, Jun 4, 2012.

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  1. Silently-Hated

    Silently-Hated Well-Known Member

    I've been abused ever since I was little maybe two at least, my dads first gf hated me n my brothers but me the most and always made me go without eating for days on end if I did something wrong, or told me to stop complaint when I got hurt really bad like when I dropped something on my peg and caused second degree burns on my thigh. My dads second gf much the same but beat me and and stuck lit cigarettes in moly ears along with my brothers. She made me make mixed drinks, she forced me to cook and clean at age four. She beat me with a metal spatula, broke glasses by throwing them at us. She beat are heads into counters, walls and toilets if they weren't clean enough. My dads third gf and wife now hate the living daylights out of me. She broke two wooden spoons on my knuckles until they bleed and the bone showed through, she forced me to take care of her son if I didn't her daughter would hit me all night until I did what the baby needed. I now have sleeping and eating disorders, all that time I never told dad, n now that I have I don't live with him and I live somewhere just as worse, emotional abuse is much greater pain to me, I'd prefer physical cause all it causes are bruises and scars
    I can't live with myself when they tell me how bad a person I am.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    you are right, emotional abuse is worse pain than physical.
  3. Ajean

    Ajean Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you've suffered so much.

    You can't listen to them. They are hurting you like those women hurt you. You've done nothing wrong to deserve it and you are not a bad person.
  4. Silently-Hated

    Silently-Hated Well-Known Member

    I'm still suffering it is never ending with them
  5. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Surely your dad would have seen the marks on your body. What kind of woemn did he choose for goodness sake for them all to abuse you- really bad and wrong.
    Did he beat you too or just his nasty girlfriends?
    If he was living with you all surely he would've witnessed what she did to you and seen the marks etc.
    You say you have emotional abuse now, is that from a partner?
    Its bound to have all given you problems. I was sexually abused a child by several men, and one of my adult relationships was very abusive on all levels, sexually, physically, emotionally, verbally and spiritually.
    YOU are NOT a bad person, its that you have been hurt and abused so much that you have been beaten down into this way of thinking, and thats not your fault.
    Emotional abuse is awful, and so are the other abuses, you said you'd prefer physical as you have brusies and scars, I can see what you mean one way, but no abuse is better or worse as its ALL abuse isn't it.
    If your dad didn't notice your scars and marks growing up, he must've done surely but chose to ignore it or probably shut it away so he didn't have to deal with it, it beats me why he went for always abusive GF's.
    If you had your knuckles wrapped till the bone came through, burnt with cigarettes, heads beaten into things, there is no way another adult would not see.
    What kind of relationship do you have with your dad now?
    Abusers like us to feel that we are the ones in the wrong, but we never are- Its always them.
    Please take care, post again or send me private message if you'd like to chat. Thinking of you. xx
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