forever sleeping.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Aug 8, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    When they abused me, they not only took my dignity, my trust, my v****** they took my life. They left me with an empty shell, for 12 years I've been trying to build, to feel that shell back up, but still it remains empty. All I have are memories of se* as a child, se* as a teenager, being ra*ed as adult, a child prostitute, drugs for sex, being hit for saying the wrong thing, or just for being there at the time, never having arms and hands to hold me close and make me feel safe, but to hit me and hurt me. I miscarried 11 months ago, my baby was going to be my world, my reason, someone to love me, someone I would love and still do love, but that was stolen from me. Everything stolen from me. I tried to go away to relax, the first nite I was se*ually attacked, I can't remembering that nite, if I done this, if I didn't do that, I hadn't lost my baby. I have no purpose in life, I've been used, ab*sed and ra*ed, they have had they kicks out of me...they haven't won..I have because when i die, the memories die with me.

    I wanted to fight, but the obstacles were too big to get over...the loneliness, feeling unloved and unwanted were voids in my life, I needed love, I needed to feel wanted..I needed my mum but she hates me.

    why am I prolonging life when its been mapped out for me ~ only good to be hurt or someones punchbag.

    I've come home as this is where I want my final resting place to be, in my bed sleeping like beds were meant for.

    Take care.

    Lost xxx
     
  2. honsou

    honsou Well-Known Member

    your a wonderful person who has so much to offer to the world, don't go yet, you have been though things no one should ever even think about going through but you seem very strong, and you will get through this. Just hold out.
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's brutal what you have experienced for soo long.

    But at the same time, the fact that you have endured this, proves your mental strength and power. Your a strong person that shouldn't consider throwing away something special.
     
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hi hun

    Ive got to know you some over the last few days and in know that you are a kind and caring person that is going through hell right now. You say u want to feel loved i know its not parental love , but you are loved here by many. We care about you and want to help.
    You say your bed is your finasl resting place i want that bed to become just a temporary resting place a place you go to recharge and rise in the morning. Please dont give up hun we care about you:sad:
     
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I am still here. I don't know what's happening to me at the moment. One minute I'm extremely depressed the next minute I'm like someone on speed...there's no happy medium and its tiring.

    I'm going to see a psychiatrist in an hour at the local mental health hospital I don't know what will happen, what he will say (I wish I did, but then I probably wouldn't go). I don't know what to do at the moment. I'm ok at the moment, although I want to die I do also want to try and survive, conflicting fights are going on in my head. Its soul shattering with constant fights of feeling suicidal and fights wanting to survive...I just wish it would ease, would stop. :cry:
     
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