forever suicidal

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by anna327, Jul 2, 2011.

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  1. anna327

    anna327 New Member

    Hi there,

    I have just joined and it was rather a spontaneous decision. I am 18 and I just graduated from High School. I am now home for the next 9 weeks until I start UNI. It already feels like hell. Every day I have the arguement in my head whether I want to kill myself or not, how, when. It is just always there. I haven't enjoyed being alive for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with depression and take medication but it only helps to a certain extent. All the time I feel misunderstood by people. To me it seems like they only think the worst of me and hate me. The world would be a better place without me and I don't think anybody would miss me.
    I have my life ahead of me and even though it doesn't feel like it, I wanna know how it feels like to be happy again for a longer time than a moment.
  2. m489332

    m489332 Member

    You shouldn't be down on yourself. Congratulations on finishing high school.

    As for no one missing you, those around you would miss you more than you could imagine, I had a friend who died of leukemia 10 years ago, I still miss him. Depression makes everything look more gray than it should - no joy, hard to image joy.

    But remember that is just what it is, there is joy in the world - you are just seeing everything through the lens of depression.

    Depression is tough, I know friends who fight with it. I've fought with it too.

    It seems like one friend gets really depressed when things are going poorly in her life, she seems to get into a depression spiral. But she found a stimulating job, and things turned around for her - the momentum helps.

    With me, it was the situation. I hit one bottom after I finished college, before I started my first job. I decided to take a few weeks off to take it easy -- I should have stayed busy, as the transition was really depressing.

    It could be the transition is weighing on you, try keeping busy - try doing something new.

    If your doctor has you on meds, maybe you need to try different ones that might help.

    I'll offer you some hope: I felt that way also in high school too, college was an improvement. In high school I felt my peers hated being there and would take out their frustrations on me, if you were just a little outside of what was normal you were a target.

    In college, it was a lot of kids who wanted to be there. Completely different scene.

    I think you have something to look forward to.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums.. What you are doing here is the right step.. Talking it over really helps...
  4. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    :welcome: :hug:
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