Hi there, I have just joined and it was rather a spontaneous decision. I am 18 and I just graduated from High School. I am now home for the next 9 weeks until I start UNI. It already feels like hell. Every day I have the arguement in my head whether I want to kill myself or not, how, when. It is just always there. I haven't enjoyed being alive for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with depression and take medication but it only helps to a certain extent. All the time I feel misunderstood by people. To me it seems like they only think the worst of me and hate me. The world would be a better place without me and I don't think anybody would miss me. I have my life ahead of me and even though it doesn't feel like it, I wanna know how it feels like to be happy again for a longer time than a moment.