too learn I wasn't daddy's little girl and my older sister was also sexually abused has killed me and also opened so many other questions for me. Too also within days off each other to learn that my uncle abused both my little sister and I (I don't know if my older sister was subject to abuse from him). Has ended the happy family I always tried to hold on. Destroyed. The whole has collapsed on top off me, suffocated, my heads exploded, I'm about to physsically and mentally explode but I can't let go off the confusing feelings. I keep getting throat infections, chest infections colds, tells me that something, someone doesn't want me to talk and this is the way I'm being told. Having also found out that my mum possibly did try to help me, but then got funny with me when I told her I was going to see my GP records, more questions, is she lying, is she hiding something that I don't know? I can't cope with all this, my world has literally feel apart around me, yeah I can pretend I'm smiley, getting on with things..but this week, I've sat in my Pj's, I've sat and held the pills and other drug I have in my hand with thoughts of how easy it would be to take them and for everything to go away. I told my counsellor today I was feeling suicidal, and she wants me to hold on, and to experience the sunshine that I've never had before, but how. I'm over the edge already, I don't see sunshine, i don't see things getting easier. 28 years have dramatically changed, people I thought I knew I don't. Things I was unsure of have come true, my dad, the person I loved with all my heart is a p**********, my uncle is a p********** and charlie is a p*********** and i'm meant to be able to forget that 3 people I loved, cared for forget it, it doesn't fucking matter. they killed me anyway. I want to be dead, I want to die,I'm not happy, destroyed. forget it, forget me.