(Possibly Trigger towards end, i think? I forgot it in the title..and this is a edit so yeah >_> ) "Why are you so pessemistic?" "Why are you so angry all of the time?" "I can't believe the way you talk to me and the way you talk about life. Don't even talk to me right now." I can't help it, Mom. I can't! I want to, but I can't! I feel like I have the flu everytime I get down. I feel like I want to throw up my heart, since it has no use either way. I want to tear out my hair from the very roots. I can't get it the way I want it anyways. I just want to throw everything out of the window, my clothes, since they don't fit right anyways. I want to stomp on my stereo, the music isn't what I'm looking for anyways. I just want to set fire to the school, because I just don't belong there. I just want to give up, because I've lost the will to live. Being alone eats away at you sooner or later. I just want to withdrawl, and I hate it when people notice because 'I'm the one whose supposed to be out-going.' What if I don't want to go? What if I just wanted some best friends to go with instead of being forced to go? I don't have them. I'm in limbo with this crowd, where without your clique, you're by yourself unless another accepts you completely. Others are intimidated by your reputation of being with the 'in-crowd' or they just 'dont mix'. Where am I? Aquiaintances, the pleasure of having an 'in'-reputation. It's nothing having to do it alone. It's nothing when the person who you're crazy for, suddenly sees right through after he shares everything of your life, body and thoughts with. It's not right. I had a piece of what I sought, and only got a taste. And it slipped away. Now I'm alone again. My mind races and I can't sleep at night anymore unless I focus on the TV, someone elses' life. I just want to drop my stuff in the hallways after class and just break down and cry. I just..want that highschool expirence. If I make it out, and have children. What would I tell them? 'Your mother was alone, alot kids. She didn't have a real best friend. She had fake ones that accepted you because 'you looked cool.' But, I was alone alot.' What is that? Where are the best friends I had not but months ago. Where did my happiness go? People snap at you, take everything you say or how you say it to heart. And it hurts me. because thats not why I said it that way. It's something else, and I'm just dying to tell it. But I can't. Do I need help? I made it out before. But I don't think I can make it out again. I'm so tempted to get those little pills out of those containers. I'm so ready to end it. Why do I want to go? I have no reason to live. Everything seems to be crumbling before my eyes. Oh how hideous it is. Oh how hideous it is to feel your lips begin to cold as that rope is clutching at your throat. How your face turns a brilliant shade of crimson! How would it feel to go? I can't stand this anymore.