Forget me. It's that simple.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by headrushh, Sep 8, 2006.

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  1. headrushh

    headrushh Member

    (Possibly Trigger towards end, i think? I forgot it in the title..and this is a edit so yeah >_> )

    "Why are you so pessemistic?"

    "Why are you so angry all of the time?"

    "I can't believe the way you talk to me and the way you talk about life. Don't even talk to me right now."

    I can't help it, Mom. I can't! I want to, but I can't!

    I feel like I have the flu everytime I get down. I feel like I want to throw up my heart, since it has no use either way. I want to tear out my hair from the very roots. I can't get it the way I want it anyways. I just want to throw everything out of the window, my clothes, since they don't fit right anyways. I want to stomp on my stereo, the music isn't what I'm looking for anyways. I just want to set fire to the school, because I just don't belong there.

    I just want to give up, because I've lost the will to live.

    Being alone eats away at you sooner or later. I just want to withdrawl, and I hate it when people notice because 'I'm the one whose supposed to be out-going.' What if I don't want to go? What if I just wanted some best friends to go with instead of being forced to go? I don't have them. I'm in limbo with this crowd, where without your clique, you're by yourself unless another accepts you completely. Others are intimidated by your reputation of being with the 'in-crowd' or they just 'dont mix'. Where am I? Aquiaintances, the pleasure of having an 'in'-reputation.

    It's nothing having to do it alone.

    It's nothing when the person who you're crazy for, suddenly sees right through after he shares everything of your life, body and thoughts with.

    It's not right.

    I had a piece of what I sought, and only got a taste. And it slipped away.

    Now I'm alone again. My mind races and I can't sleep at night anymore unless I focus on the TV, someone elses' life. I just want to drop my stuff in the hallways after class and just break down and cry. I just..want that highschool expirence. If I make it out, and have children. What would I tell them? 'Your mother was alone, alot kids. She didn't have a real best friend. She had fake ones that accepted you because 'you looked cool.' But, I was alone alot.' What is that? Where are the best friends I had not but months ago.

    Where did my happiness go?

    People snap at you, take everything you say or how you say it to heart. And it hurts me. because thats not why I said it that way. It's something else, and I'm just dying to tell it. But I can't. Do I need help?

    I made it out before. But I don't think I can make it out again.

    I'm so tempted to get those little pills out of those containers.

    I'm so ready to end it. Why do I want to go?

    I have no reason to live. Everything seems to be crumbling before my eyes. Oh how hideous it is. Oh how hideous it is to feel your lips begin to cold as that rope is clutching at your throat. How your face turns a brilliant shade of crimson!

    How would it feel to go?

    I can't stand this anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2006
  2. headrushh

    headrushh Member

    this has been sitting here for awhile :[ im dissappointed on how my topic has been ignored a bit.
  3. im here sorry i couldnt be online today..i feel the same way most of the best friend, and im just the loner who people want to hang out with because they feel sorry for rather be alone than be yea..i can relate and im always here for you so just talk to me if you need to :hug:
  4. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    I can understand what you're saying. I was with the "in crowd" when I was younger, although I was always very different than them. It's funny how you can have so many "friends" and it is all still so empty.

    I personally got sick of my "friends", I wanted REAL relationships with people rather than a sad little contest of popularity. I became more interested in the people around me that no one notices, or the people who get picked on. When I got sick of the fakeness surrounding me I got to know them. I ended up finding the "geeky" type kids far more interesting than anyone I had hung around with previously. Maybe you should give it a shot. You might just be surprised.

    As for a relationship, while it sucks being lonely, I promise you that once you're ok with yourself and your busy doing things you like you can really start to enjoy being single. Being ok with yourself is priority #1 and if you find that special someone then it's just icing on the cake.

    When my marriage ended I was painfully lonely and I still am sometimes but I'm starting to surround myself with good people and I'm trying to find things that I enjoy doing. The more I do that for myself the more I realize that I don't need someone else to make me happy. That has to come from within.

    Good luck,

  5. blub

    blub Guest

    Same thing happened here. I got sick and tired of my friends. Only thinking about there selfes. You give a lot, but you get nothing back. So slowly I lost contact with my friends. Like Jenova I began to hang around with "geeky" type kids. I always liked them and was nice to them, but I never hang out with them. Afraid of what other people might think or say. But I'm so glad I did. We were friends because we liked each others personality and not the way you look. I really think you should give it a shot.
    Take care and good luck
  6. headrushh

    headrushh Member


    and I know, but it's hard to get accepted by other people in different crowds. :/
  7. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    It can be hard to be accepted by different crowds but you might be surprised.

    I remember when I was in school, it seemed like my whole life. It really is all consuming but when you graduate and go your seperate ways it's amazing how much it all changes. You're going to look back and think WOW this was such a small part of my life.

    I know it sounds like I'm minimizing your problems, but I really understand how tough it is. It wasn't long ago that I was in your shoes too. It's really hard but I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that it will be different before you know it.

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