Forget me

[demuredawn]

Not sure if I should write this here. Not sure if I should write it anywhere. I really think I should go... for myself, for everyone here, for everyone in my life. I really think it would be better for me to do so. I will not go into all the details as to why, because I really have come to realize my thoughts and feelings are non-important... which is also why I am not sure I should be writing this anywhere. I have also come to realize that writing my thoughts and feelings only opens me up for others to hurt me further and that if I open myself up I am both allowing and inviting that hurt in so I have no right to complain about it, therefore, I truly do not wish to open myself anymore. I am sorry to those of you I have hurt. I do not like hurting other people, I often try to help... though sometimes that ends up hurting rather than helping I guess.

Anyway, I am sorry to have brought my pain here.... please, just forget me.

 

[ravens]

Dawn I hope you realize your thought and feelings do matter and its just your illness that is making you feel otherwise. Im sorry you feel you cant open up here anymore, I think most people have good intentions just like you do but we arent going to be able to help everyone. Sometimes its just best to listen but I guess its our nature to try to give advice and sometime that advice doesnt help.

I dont think you have hurt anyone from what Ive seen you have been nothing but trying to be supportive. Youre a good person Dawn. Please dont be sorry and please take care because you deserve to whether you decide to stick around or not

 

[Unknown_111]

Your are a good person. Never think nothing different. You helped me a lot. Please keep posting as we all here to support each other. Take care.

 

[Twocky61]

We can't forget you Demuredawn now you have posted on here - we're all thinking about you - tc

 

[MisterBGone]

What are you talking about? You're not hurting anybody... Your emotions matter, just like everyone else's! Please speak freely. Pay no attention to the negativity.

 

[MessengerFromHell]

How can I forget you?

 

[demuredawn]

ravens:

it is not just my illness telling me otherwise, it is in fact the different things that have been said to me.... and lessons i have learned b/c of those things. it is easy to blame my illness, but in this case, it just is not true. i never said that you or anyone should be able to help everyone, but if you (or someone else) cannot, then perhaps listening is better than offering advice if/when you have no insight on the subject of the matter being discussed, and just tell the person why you are not offering advice. some of the things that have been said to me... can be seen as nothing but hurtful... and often times when i'm in my most vulnerable states of mind.... and yet, per rules... i'm supposed to overlook them and just understand this person has mental health issues too... nevermind the pain that i incurred, or the fact that i too have mental health issues and i was the one pain was inflicted upon. there are some here that would disagree with your statement that i have hurt nobody here... but i will leave that statement with that thought. honestly, i no longer believe i am a good person.... perhaps the "lies" i have been battling against all my life are in fact, just true.... perhaps i am evil, i am a bitch, i am selfish, i do not know how to treat people, etc... honestly, everyone would be best off just to forget me.

incrisis99:

ty for your kind words but as i said to ravens, i now believe the "lies" i have battling against all my life to not be lies at all...


twocky61:

nice to meet you, welcome to the forums. i have posted here for a few months now ... i hope you will continue to do so.



misterbgone:

honestly there are a few that would disagree with you on that... my emotions do not matter as they are "wrong" because i have borderline personality and therefore do not know what is appropriate in given situations to feel or not feel apparently. i never knew there were rules to what you are allowed to feel and not feel... but if you want to have them be valid feelings, apparently there are... and if you want your feelings and opinions to matter in your situation and your situation to be taken seriously when you discuss it, then truly, you should not have or admit to having certain mental health disorders or illnesses... b/c anything you say negative or react negative then becomes your illness's fault... after all, life is all rosey, so it cannot be possibly true that there is something gravely wrong in your life... its got to be all in your head, right? or, maybe it can be admitted that there is in fact something wrong in your life, but.... you illness prevents you from doing something about it, and you just don't want to fight your illness enough to do anything about it... nevermind what the actual consequences of the action of "doing something about it" may be ... after all, as long as you get out of the bad situation you are in, it doesn't matter where/how you land (even if its into a worse situation) because at least you are out of the one that you are currently complaining of.... right? so yea, my thoughts, feelings, emotions... none of it matters... b/c its nothing to be taken seriously

 

[demuredawn]

messengerfromhell:

just pretend u never met me

 

[total eclipse]

I cannot pretend to never have met you you have help me when i was so low dawn You are someone very caring and i do not want you to leave ok You keep what is important ok and whatever or whoever has harmed you then you let that go hugs

 

[MisterBGone]

Ah, yes... Life ~ through rose colored glasses! Have you seen La Vie En Rose? Marion Cotillard is fabulous in it! I think you should sign up for the LSAT pronto... Believe Me: Your thoughts, feelings & emotions have all of the validation & carry all of the weight with them as anybody else on planet earth. It's the power that you choose--or let others choose for you--to give them that really matters. I find your argument for not disclosing one's mental illness freely to the public a noble one, given society's generally downward view on the subject. But around here you're presumably safe. Safe to express your pain, question your logic, seek knowledge in other peoples brains, and so on, and so forth... I'm not interested in what anybody else thinks--professionally or not--what do you think? Feel? Believe to be true about your own thought processes? Do you find your mind to be unsound? With the inability to decipher truth? Let's not live our lives allowing the opinions of outsiders to influence us in a darker direction. I'm guessing we don't need any help with THAT! My feeling is: never mind all else; talk about what's troubling you. And maybe ten people will listen. But one of them may even listen AND hear. Who's to say? Go easy on your self!! Seriously, girl. [post script] I don't take you lightly!

 

[demuredawn]

But around here you're presumably safe. Safe to express your pain, question your logic, seek knowledge in other peoples brains, and so on, and so forth

not true at all, in my experience.. not unless you fit certain criteria, in which case.... then you are accepted and all things you say and feel are understandable and valid..... if you do not fall within those boundaries however, you are an outcast, and to be critisized, not supported... you do not deserve support, b/c your issues are your fault, they are not true issues....

I'm not interested in what anybody else thinks--professionally or not--what do you think? Feel? Believe to be true about your own thought processes? Do you find your mind to be unsound?

what i think/believe is that all emotions/feelings are valid so long as the person is in fact being truthful about what they are feeling. it does not matter if its because of their illness or because of words someone said to them or because of an event that happened... the truth (to me) is we react and have different emotions to everything that goes on and that is said on a constant basis.... and.... everyone reacts slightly differently, so how can there really be a right/wrong emotion ever??? i wish someone would explain that to me... cuz i sincerely do not understand it

With the inability to decipher truth?

that does not matter how i view it... because if i am perceived by someone as not having the ability to decipher the truth, whatever i say is inconsequential to them and will be overlooked and counted as invalid. because i do not wish to open myself to that point of view, i will not answer that question, sorry.

Let's not live our lives allowing the opinions of outsiders to influence us in a darker direction.

That is good advice, but very hard to follow... especially if you have ever been abused (especially in the case of long term abuse and/or emotional abuse) or been in a controlling relationship. I have had all the things I just mentioned, so yes, things people say affect me greatly.

My feeling is: never mind all else; talk about what's troubling you. And maybe ten people will listen. But one of them may even listen AND hear. Who's to say? Go easy on your self!! Seriously, girl. [post script] I don't take you lightly!

I was going off that belief until very recently. Things have happened that have changed my feeling of being allowed to talk freely here. Honestly... it wasn't even ten that listened or heard me even when I was talking... it was more like 2 or 3. And really.... even those 2 or 3 seemed rather judgemental of me quite often. I was even told outright that when you choose to talk here you may hear things that you do not want to hear given to you as advice and that you just are supposed to overlook those things. Sounds good on the surface, but when "advice" is hurtful.... looking over it, is not easy when your emotions are already bruised, in fact, its pretty much impossible. I really have found the only way to protect myself here is to just not talk about anything that truly matters.

 

[demuredawn]

total eclipse: thank you for your words, but just simply letting things go is not something that i can do easily... for a variety of reasons

1. i have been hurt so much in life i am extremely sensitive to pain now and thus when i do manage to get out and show who i am, when i get hurt again.... that pain cuts deep

2. blame my illness if you like... borderline personality is associated with this inability to let go of things

3. abuse changes your perception on things and its very hard to overcome those perceptions, when you do try to fend off the negative perceptions and are rewarded with more hate from other people, it tends to knock you back down into the perceptions abuse gives you

4. if you've been told certain negative things about yourself the majority of your life, and choose to try to fight against them, and are constantly berated with them, even in "safe" places such as this.... how do u then continue fighting against those thoughts/feelings that have been embedded into you.... especially when you are told just to overlook it, as if its not a big deal. truthfully, maybe its not a big deal to the average person that only gets called a bitch once in a blue moon or etc...and never has to deal with physical or sexual abuse... and never is in the situation of being controlled by another... but for a person that these things are not true of.... words can hurt badly, and they haunt you for a long time.

 

[Kairo]

I think your thoughts and feelings do matter...they matter because you have to live with them and they effect you and the people who care about you. When both your state of mind and living situation contribute to your suffering it’s hard to differentiate from all the different feelings you have. Where they originated from, if they are valid or not, and what, if anything, can and should be done to help yourself. maybe that’s how it feels for you...and maybe this difficulty to understand everything has brought you to the conclusion that your emotions are folly and don’t matter.

I realize that I really shouldn’t be talking though...I shouldn’t say anything, I shouldn’t be trying to give advice or understand how things are for you, because I don’t know...And I bet you’ve heard all these types of things dozens of times from a dozen different people, and perhaps it’s made things even more confused and frustrating for you.
Maybe that can be a problem with people here, people give a lot of advice and encouragement because they want to help. But like you said, sometimes it’s better to just listen.
The fact that you’ve been hurt by people here is so tragic and unfair...I don’t want to contribute to that in any way.

I really don’t know what’s best for you...but I still feel like I don’t want you to have to be alone. In my experience isolation can be the most hellish thing, but still we have a tendency to do it to ourselves. ...I know there are people who care about you here. It’s not so easy to forget someone you care about

 

[demuredawn]

sour pants:

When both your state of mind and living situation contribute to your suffering it’s hard to differentiate from all the different feelings you have. Where they originated from, if they are valid or not, and what, if anything, can and should be done to help yourself.

as i have said, i believe all emotions to be valid.... since you do not, can you explain to me how it can be true that sometimes emotions are not valid?

maybe that’s how it feels for you...and maybe this difficulty to understand everything has brought you to the conclusion that your emotions are folly and don’t matter.

it is my experiences that have brought me to this conclusion.. just because it is perceived as a negative conclusion does not make it a "folly" or any less valid... and why is it automatically assumed it is me having a hard time understanding things, this is my life after all, don't i have the inside view of it?

I realize that I really shouldn’t be talking though...I shouldn’t say anything, I shouldn’t be trying to give advice or understand how things are for you, because I don’t know

It's not that you should not talk or give advice, but if you do not know... you should ask questions... to get the information you need, at that point, if you have insight that is valid to the situation to give, then yes, by all means give the advice... if you don't then just express your support

The fact that you’ve been hurt by people here is so tragic and unfair...I don’t want to contribute to that in any way.

thank you... i honestly believe most people here do not intend harm... but truly the second they in any way insinuate that someone else's feelings are not valid or that their situation is not worthy of being discussed b/c it is not big enough or b/c they perceive it to be the person's fault.... they are being harmful to the person. then there are people here that just outright attack others... and still that is seen as something to overlook, i whole heartedly disagree with this... some of us here come here from abusive situations or backgrounds, thinking this is a safe site to express our feelings ... if we get attacked here too... that just reinforces our abuse... how do we overlook that?

I really don’t know what’s best for you...but I still feel like I don’t want you to have to be alone. In my experience isolation can be the most hellish thing, but still we have a tendency to do it to ourselves. ...I know there are people who care about you here. It’s not so easy to forget someone you care about

I agree, isolation is in fact hellish and even deadly... however, I see it as the only "right thing" for me to do in this case. I cannot feel safe talking about my issues as I have been instructed doing so opens me up to possibly being given "harsh advice" that I "may not want to hear" but so long as "no rules have been broken" there is nothing that can be done, and thus just simply needs to be looked over. Pretty much that says to me.... stay silent, and stay safe... open your mouth, risk danger .... and no way to get help.

 

[demuredawn]

by the way, i half expect this thread to be closed down just due to my negativity..... or for even more severe actions to occur.... but this is something i just can no longer stay silent about. in my view, everyone has a right to be safe. everyone has a right to their emotions. no emotions are any less or more valid than others. no one person is any more or less important than the other. we need to start treating each other as if we all matter... because we DO. and yet... this is not what i'm seeing happen, and it saddens me. it infuriates me. it frustrates me. it irritates me. we are all here because we have issues that are hurting us.... why can't we unite in that one thought? that we all hurt? instead of making each other's pain worse or demanding it fall within certain boundaries before we can begin to see it as valid or judge someone else's life or emotions? we do not know each other intimately well enough to truly judge anyone with any kind of accuracy.... so why not just extend what knowledge/advice we have on the situations that they bring up? why not just show our support when we have no advice to give? why not show our compassion and acceptance even if we have no clear understanding? i always thought these things to just be "the right thing" to do, the "human thing" to do.... and yet, it seems impossible to find.... even in a "safe place" like this.

 

[Kairo]

I’m sorry I’ve misunderstood you a lot dawn...I’m not good at understand what people are trying to say a lot of the time i think...I’m sorry. I know I've frustrated people before.

I love your wish for everyone to unite in the fact that we are in pain, and I wish it were that simple. But apparently it isn’t...and I’ve noticed the ignorance and a degrees of prejudice that still seem to exist around here. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of it. And I suppose I understand how you feel in a way....at least I understand how I feel, and I’ve felt very hurt when I’ve gotten criticisms from people here for how I’ve dealt with my issues.
Maybe places like this are bound to fail in the grand scheme of things.

 

[demuredawn]

I’m sorry I’ve misunderstood you a lot dawn...I’m not good at understand what people are trying to say a lot of the time i think...I’m sorry. I know I've frustrated people before.

we all misunderstand each other sometimes, that is not unforgivable.. thank you for recognizing it and acknowledging it... apology accepted. i think we all frustrate each other at times too.

I love your wish for everyone to unite in the fact that we are in pain, and I wish it were that simple.

It could be, if in fact it was held as one of the rules for acceptable chat/discussion here. yes, sounds like something that should not have to be mentioned... and yet, when it comes to people, especially those that are unstable much of the time and/or still going through adolescence... a lot of things need to be clarified that seem to be obvious.

But apparently it isn’t...and I’ve noticed the ignorance and a degrees of prejudice that still seem to exist around here. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of it. And I suppose I understand how you feel in a way....at least I understand how I feel, and I’ve felt very hurt when I’ve gotten criticisms from people here for how I’ve dealt with my issues.

i agree its not... and thats what frustrates me, saddens me, irritates me and even infuriates me

Maybe places like this are bound to fail in the grand scheme of things.

i honestly believe that with some rules/guidelines that are set in place and made clear cannot be broken for any reason... and other rules set in place that when viewed as being broken treating both the offender/s (and the person/people they may have commited the offense against) with a degree of respect and talking to them about it one on one and trying to come to a resolution that works for all (or as best as can possibly be agreed upon) -- and "all" means the management as well as the offender/s and victim/s ... that places like this can work.

why do i think that we need that kind of decorum? because of a few things:

1. this is a mental health support site, meaning we all come here with major issues we are dealing with that will in fact impact our actions and our emotions and our words... therefore, the different problems that may arise (so long as not a major offense of a rule that just should not ever be broken) should be treated with full knowledge of what happened ... you can only do that by talking to the person/s involved in the situation. does that mean that nobody should be punished for anything ever? no... just that they should be treated on an individual (no, not favoritism) basis... and that the outcome should be determined based on all the facts, not just those that are readily visible by reading a portion of chat or forum

2. by doing so, the members involved get to see the seriousness of the problem, and the reasons for the action being done/not being done... they also get to see that nothing is being ignored or just simply overlooked

3. by setting boundaries that simply cannot be crossed and if they are... set punishments that will happen, regardless... you also promote a feeling of the administrators/moderators being in control... and a sense of order. when people are gathered together who are unstable much of the time, one thing they definately need is a sense of order.


i think that places like this can succeed, if and only if those that are in management are willing to overcome the fear of making people unhappy by inflicting rules on them ...

places like this, in many ways, are kind of like the parent/child relationship when it comes to admin/mod and members.... not that they are anymore powerful or important than the members, but that they should be looked up to for the ultimate support and guidance... and if that is not possible, or is not happening... then the member will eventually run over the admin/mods... much in the same way many children of today run over their parents with threats of crying abuse if they dont get their way and etc (no i am not in any way saying all child abuse is false, i am just saying i know from listening to many kids in both my real life and online in other places that many of them do in fact manipulate their parents in that way -- i was abused as a child myself so i am in no way taking away from the validity of the majority of the claims)

 

[Blacky]

How can I forget you!?!?
I could never forget a person like you, I can't forget you!
I have to tell you that you are an awesome, nice and kind person and I can't imagine why I should forget a so nice person!
And believe me, I can see a good person! :hug:
I know that this pain is unbearable but think about this...
If your friend would say to you...please forget me! Would you just do it?
I certainly couldn't. I would cry all the time and tell her/him how important she/he is for me!
I couldn't and same goes here.
If I wouldn't care about you I wouldn't write you and simply ignore you...
I would tell myself that this is not my problem and just live my life...
But I don't do it...
Why?
Because I care about you!

 

[demuredawn]

How can I forget you!?!?

choose to not think about the conversations we have had

I could never forget a person like you, I can't forget you!
I have to tell you that you are an awesome, nice and kind person and I can't imagine why I should forget a so nice person!
And believe me, I can see a good person! :hug:

thank you for the kind words... they mean a lot, probably more than you know

I know that this pain is unbearable

i know you know it is unbearable, i have spoken to you a bit in the past, i know a bit about your diff pains, and i'm sorry you have been thru any of them

but think about this...
If your friend would say to you...please forget me! Would you just do it?

not at first, no... i would fight with all i have in me to get the person to not want to be forgotten.... but if in the end, i saw that was their true wish... i would tell them i will walk away and not bother them but that should they ever decide they wish to talk or that they want me back in their life again, i will be there for them with open arms, open heart, open mind, and open ears.

I certainly couldn't. I would cry all the time and tell her/him how important she/he is for me!
I couldn't and same goes here

I would cry a lot too... and in truth, I would probably never totally forget the person, but it would be as death is... a lot of things that happened, get lost in your memory and you just cannot find them anymore, i believe that is the mind's way of keeping you safe and not overloading you either with information or with too much pain.... so while i would not totally forget the person it would be as it is (kind of) with my mom... i would have a movie picture of some of the events/conversations in my mind, but I would not necessarily have all the emotions attached to them anymore (over time). You feel as you do because you too are a deeply caring and loving person... its part of what gets you hurt, and also part of what makes you so special... I hope you will never have to face the decision of whether or not to change that part of you. It's a very painful and difficult decision to make.

If I wouldn't care about you I wouldn't write you and simply ignore you...
I would tell myself that this is not my problem and just live my life...
But I don't do it...
Why?
Because I care about you!

Thank you for caring.. and I sincerely mean that.

 

[ravens]

Well if your feelings dont matter to some on here, I think theres even more who they do matter to. I hope you do whats best for you though.


And I think this is a supportive community, sometimes we give advice when its better to listen but we are humans not all interactions are going to be rainbows and sunshine even on a support forum. Its just how life is, interactions are not always going to be perfect or understood. However sometimes there are people who seem to not want to try to get better and this is when I think people turn away. Some dont want to seem to help themselves. Others are in your position where you are kinda stuck right now and not everyone can understand that like I didnt at first. Otherwise I think almost everybody can find support here from at least a few people.