Forgive me

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Hellomonkey, Jan 2, 2014.

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  1. Hellomonkey

    Hellomonkey New Member

    I used to think that if I tried my hardest, I would be liked.
    I dream I can walk out in the snow and just fall into eternal sleep.
    Does that make me ungrateful?

    Making people smile used to make me happy.
    But I don't want to be in the way of others.
    Does that make me selfish?

    I need to reconsider myself and my life and I am not entirely sure it is worth it. And I am sorry about that.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi to you I am sorry you are so low right now i think it is good you are reaching out here for support Hugs to you
  3. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    When you are feeling bad it is natural to want to escape and get some relief. That does not make you ungrateful or selfish. Its how we are built.

    There are many ways to get relief and that feeling of eternal rest without having to take your life. You can write, talk and cry about everything that hurts and pains you as well as the secret dreams of your heart. Find someone you can trust right away to talk with, preferably a professional. You can learn meditation. It is recommended everywhere for depression. To start you can listen to relaxing music and look at pictures of nature online and think about the bigger picture of life, that is an easy way to meditate for 10 minutes a day. Go out and take a walk, look around and listen to the birds sing. If you think about the huge scope and miracle of life and the universe you will see that we are, literally and for real, already living in a sea of eternity. With just a bit of effort each day you can tap into that a little at a time. Eventually it will blow your mind and you will realize that your human life is precious and rare and that does not depend on anyone liking you. It is just the truth.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2014
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think you're selfish for feeling the way that you do. I'm glad that you came here to reach out for help. I hope you stick around and keep posting here.
  5. Hellomonkey

    Hellomonkey New Member

    Thank you all. I cannot begin to describe what your messages make me feel, how much it helps having people saying nice things! I went out today and got some air whicj briefly made me lighter in the heart.
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hello, hellomonkey :) I am SO glad you are here. This community is understanding. Because we have first hand expereince in how many things feel. I do not think that what you dream of makes you ungrateful. And also not wanting tobe in the way of others makes sense for me. Because it is how I feel. I feel that I am just a bother to others. That is a sad way to live. But here at this community I can get some relief from that. Most people here have the first hand understand deep suffering. which helps. Most people here have that compassion because we too live with suffering.

    So, for me, being here does make the pain and isolation etc more tolerable. At least I sometimes can feel heard and less alone when I am here. I hope you will feel that you are being heard. AND you can hear that we think you are not at all ungrateful. Because we have said so :hug: Please stay safe. And regarding the subject line of your post, I hope we all can find a way someday to forgive ourselves. But until then, we hear and support each other in making it through. Because we deserve no less.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2014
  7. Hellomonkey

    Hellomonkey New Member

    I agree with you, how it makes it more tolerable. I mean, I have only been here a few days and I already feel the compassion from unknown people somewhere around the globe. It feels nice. Warm. Comforting.

    Had some craniosacral therapy today. Felt unexpected things. Not bad, but Unexpected.

    Still have the feeling I am ungrateful. People have far worse things to deal with, mine are "in my head"... I have food. I have a house. I should be happy, I should feel I have everything, but something is missing.... I have my health. I have all important things, so from a personal perspective it should be enough. Though, I have this nagging feeling I am in the way. Not good enough. Like a burden. That I say and do the wrong things. Which is why I feel ungrateful. And then some. Viciosus circle...

    Anyway, thank you all for reading and taking time to think of me, the sad monkey...
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