Forgive someone who abandons you because you're negative?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregistered12345, Apr 9, 2007.

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  1. Would you forgive someone who stops talking to you because you're negative? Even if that person knows the reasons why you're negative?

    Here's my answer: NEVER. I would never forgive that person. I'm negative because of my hardships, and I can imagine that some other members of this board might be negative too because of legitimate reasons. After all, this is called the "Suicide Forum."

    What's your opinion?
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think that everyone would be different on this because of different circumstances.

    I suspect that if people have been severely hurt before, or have abandonement and rejection issues, then they would not forgive.

    Maybe it needs to be questioned why the person felt the need to take such drastic measures as to stop talking to someone who was negative.

    If it was me, I would probably (not definitely but probably) talk to the person about it (if they wanted to) and then just never EVER forget what they did and distance myself from them. That would basically give me closure so I could move on and past this person. But having said that, each situation and person is different, so I might do something different.
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    This is just like a situation i had with someone last year. I got to know this girl, me and got extrememly close in a short amount of time. She was the only person i felt comfortable talking to about being depressed and suicidal. She walked away because i was being 'negative' She knew how much i needed her and she still walked away. I completely understand why she did it and i don't blame her for what she did but it hurt like hell and it still does.

    I have 'forgiven' her and have talked to her since and seen her since. But both times she wanted something. Most recently last night. Seems thats all im worth.

    But i think it depends on you and the person. I seem to be a forgiving person so thats why i got over it.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would forgive them, because I'd want to be forgiven, but I'd give them their distance. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things altogether.
  5. Wow, I don't how all of you could get the strength to forgive. To me, forgiving someone is like letting that person off the hook. I think it sends the message: "It's okay if you hurt me again."

    Vicki, I know that pain all too well. For you to forgive that person shows that you must be a kind person. I think it's very injust that she walked away from you, especially since you seem to be a nice person and you really needed her support during that time. It's disgusting what she did.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's more about trying to find a way to move on from the hurt they caused you for your own sanity and mental state.

    I would never put myself in a position that allowed that person to hurt me again. I would protect myself at all costs, but clearing the air between me and that person would allow me to move on from it.
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I think scum is right on this. To forgive is not always for THEM but for YOU aswell. It allows you to move on. Have no hard feelings. Move away from the hurt. It still hurts but i COMPLETELY understand why she did it. I don't blame her, i worried the SHIT out of her. It hurt yeah, i was a bit angry at the way she did it but i do understand and i was able to 'forgive' her.
  8. How do you it then? Do you say to yourself, "I forgive So-and-so"?
  9. eddizle

    eddizle Member

    yea thats a start and by forgiving you are forgeting the issue that caused the problem and as the famous saying goes you forgive and forget
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I would probably leave it until I had calmed down. Inside I woudl know the right time to try and talk to them, probably after a bit of time, that's for sure. Then I would try to talk to them (via msn or IRL or wherever) and I would keep talking and push any issues that I needed closure on, and when I had got closure I would simply end the conversation. That would bring me inner closure.

    I did have someone that abandoned me when things were bad, when I was actually close to death and refused to get help, she totally turned on me. When things got better for me and I was a bit better physically I approached her via e-mail about it, and we talked for ages via e-mail. I will never ever forget what she did, but it doesn't hurt me everytime I think about it.

    As far as I can see it, if I allow it to keep hurting me, that person keeps winning. And any 'friend' who abandons you when things are rough does not deserve anything, least of all to continue to hurt you for a long time. They are better off getting nothing.
  11. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Guess I'm from the otherside of the fence here since I've done this once or twice...but only with people online.

    The first time was a woman I was close friends with at one time who was just so depressed and angry at the world that it physically hurt me sometimes.

    The second was a guy who rarely, if ever, talked about anything that wasnt negative. Never helped himself, never accepted advice. When it got to the point that he wanted a suicide pact with me, I made sure he couldnt contact me anymore.

    Maybe they're just extreme examples though. I'm sure not everyone is that negative all the time.
  12. Did you try and understand why she was negative and did you encourage her to get help?
  13. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    I knew why she was but it was so much and so deep that it would take years for her to get through it all. I think she tried to get help before in a few different ways and it never worked out for her, but this was some years ago now so I cant be sure. She eventually got married and never contracted me again after that. In the end, she seemed happier than I was. :dry:
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