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Forgive the bad explanation but this is odd..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Aug 5, 2009.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Ok I love my computer, not physicaly of course lol, but it fills in a huge empty void in my life. As some of you know I have very bad gynecological problems which effect me physicaly and mentally.

    Just recently I've been getting long bouts of anxiety which is more like something trying to make me do things I don't want to do. Some of these things revolve around my computer, I'm (unfortunatly) pretty tech savvy & know where to go & where not to go on a computer.

    These 'bouts of anxiety' are like having a rat gnawing away inside your chest telling you it won't go away unless you do such & such a thing to the computer. It's odd, but it's bad. I've even had to ask my boyfriend to refuse to pay to fix it if I muck it up, which he hates doing as he would of course pay for it if I couldn't.

    So far I've resisted most of it, but it's so hard, it's both my physical problem, my Aspergers & god knows what else going on.

    I also fell out big time with my main online friend, he vanished and I've not spoke to him for days. All I do on here now is google shit & play RPG's. So it could be that now he's vanished I don't have a main reason for being on the PC. I can't live without it though, and if I don't deal with this shit I will mess it up.

    Sometimes I can't sit down here without pouring with sweat & shaking because my fucked up brain tells me I must try clicking something or whatever.

    This has become another 'monthly' symptom to add to a 30 odd strong list of issues I have related to my period.

    The doctor has finally reffered me to the psychologists, he didn't beleive my problem was physical, but I'm hoping once I tell them, they might be able to dicipher what is mental and what is not.
    Hopefully they'll help get me to the right medical department for it. It's a small step I spose.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well all great journeys have to start with little steps. One step at a time and I hope they find the right direction for you hun. Good luck!!!!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are going to your doctor for assessment It will help to get opinion on what is happening to you physical or mental it is always good to have professional input. I hope your friend and you can reconnect could be his computer on the blitz or jst on vacation or something. take care i hope all goes well with your doctors appt.
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    He spouted off in a facebook message that I was a 'stalker' because I sent him the grand total of 2 messages, one on Facebook & one on Twitter asking him if he was ok. Turns out he's sick, still no excuse. I hope he sees this post from google, he can take a running jump for all I care. I'm better off NOT being called an asspie thanks.

    He refers to people with Aspergers Syndrome as ass-pies. Childish I know. The day we fell out I had a mouth full of ulcers & open sores (monthly symptom) sounded like a man, (another monthly symptom) and everything else in that area. I guess I'm too much for a lot of people to hack when I'm in my bad two weeks, as I am now.
  5. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Sounds like OCD possibly. The thoughts you are getting appear to be intrusive in nature. An appear to cause great anxiety unless you follow through.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    there are many ppl these days, that suffer from one thing or another that find the only friend they have is their computer.
    i for one, have learned alot of things and i also have made better friends online than i ever did outside my door.

    the thing is, the computer allows us to hide. we dont have to face those that we are communicating with.
    it also allows us to go places that we cant under normal circumstances.

    i would be lost without my laptop. as itmahanh states so well, it starts with little steps.
    what took you down, took some time. what can bring you back will always take time as well.

    it didnt happen over nite and its not gunna be fixed over nite either.

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