forgotten memories

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Malcontent, Dec 30, 2008.

  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    I'm guessing other people have experienced this too. A few times now I've forgotten about things that happened to me as a kid for years and years until suddenly out of the blue I remember everything vividly. I think maybe I repressed it :dunno:

    When I was about 10 my teacher at school utterly hated me. She was an absolute bitch and loads of parents hated her, but she seemed to have a particular dislike for me. I'm still not sure why, I'm quite embarrassed to admit it but my family were pretty poor, we couldn't afford much so I would only have one new uniform a year unless I ripped or grew out of something. I was a very quiet kid and was very easily upset (not hugely surprising as I'd suffered sexual abuse and been bullied since I can remember), I was also a bit unusual (to go into how would take too long as I've rambled in this post already and haven't even got to the point yet). Anyway, for whatever reasons this teacher really seemed to loath me. She would do things like, if I was playing with another kid she'd come over and tell them not to go near me. She'd loudly critisise my work in front of the whole class (especially handwritting and spelling, I'm dyslexic but no one knew at the time, so that sorta thing was tough for me) and even though I'd fight it as hard as I could I'd end up in tears at which point she'd ridicule me, make anyone sitting near me move away, and even kept me in during lunch a couple of times. She put me in remidial english and maths because I wouldn't speak up in class even though I would get the work right most of the time.

    Part of me says all that wasn't too bad, by that age I knew about things like corpral punishment and was thankful that it didn't happen to me. But looking back, if that had been any other kid but me I'd be outraged. I can see how a lot of the issues I deal with now as an adult could have stemmed from those times. I have a lot of trouble believing that I'm good enough to talk to or even be around anyone else (let alone have friends or relationships, hell no!), I'm terrified of being critisised or laughed at and think crying is the worst most pathetic thing I can do, and deep down I'm convinced I'm stupid and have somehow managed to fake a mask of average intelligence which will one day be ripped away. I just can't figure out whether or not I'm overreacting to suddenly remembering this after 13 years. Do I have a right to be angry about what happened, or is it just one of those things that happen to everybody and I'm just being weak by letting it bother me?
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Malcontent. I'm sorry to hear that you had such an awful teacher when you were 10. I'm a high school teacher and I know that teachers play an important role in shaping people's future. I think that many of the things that you're dealing with now, is a result of what happened many years ago. You're unconsciously acting out some of your repressed memories. The good news is that you can overcome your issues. :hug:
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You have the right to be angry because it was you it happened to regardless of when it occurred.
    Also your not being weak, what you went through isn't right, why should you be the one who gets treated like that, why should anyone be treated like that.
    Perhaps there was/is something wrong with that teacher mentally which resulted in those incidents.