Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ema, Jul 25, 2010.

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  1. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I rarely post a thread, but I feel like peeping up this evening. Not loudly, though.

    Some of you know I have DID. But, I'm not anything like those terrible books and movies. Not at all. We're really quiet and nice. Mostly young. Gentle.

    We like to talk in the plural because then we feel like we're all included, but most people don't understand and we don't do it except at the doc's. He's the only one who really knows us. We never tell people our diagnosis, just depression. Those stupid books and movies...people think we are evil and weird.

    Growing up, emotions weren't acceptable. Not to my father. Control. He was so worried about what others thought. He was a minister, so it was like we were constantly being watched. Even in our private lives we were supposed to act a certain way. Especially never allowed to be angry.

    Well, we were stubborn and messed up a lot. My brother always told us not to push him, but.... Well, his temper would just snap and he'd be another person and .... well... you know.

    We learned to be quiet inside. We could create an outside person to do outside stuff -- school, social life, etc. But our real self was locked up and we were totally depressed our whole life. Our family was all weird, we were like 4 orbs in a house just floating around in the same place, not connected.

    And, that's how we came to feel forgotten. Thomas, you see, hides in closets. When we were Thomas, we actually did hide in closets all the time, it was safer. Or in the bathtub. He couldn't get to us in those places.

    But, now, when we get down, we're afraid of being forgotten. We're so sure it will happen. We don't want to impose or push, because that is wrong, but we hate being forgotten.

    We feel really forgettable lately. We're afraid nobody notices us except when we pop and say random things in chat. It's so hard to feel like nothing...
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Hi Ema,

    Have you spoken to your husband about how you are feeling lately?

    I hope you can come to feel like you are not imposing or being pushy for expressing what you are feeling. It's ok to want to be noticed and want some attention.

    What has your therapist said about this issue?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not forgotten you will always be there inside i hope you can keep popping in to just chat talk okay Thomas it must have been hell for you as a child just know now it is over okay you are safe now no need to hide anymore not from here anyways
  4. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    Yeah, my husband knows, but he doesn't really understand.

    My doc knows and understands. But, it is something we have to work on. High stress causes us to feel the old ways. We just feel little.

    thank you, violet :smile: and domo :smile:
  5. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Could you show your husband what you have written here? Maybe that will help him understand how it makes you all feel. And that it's hard for you to ask up.
  6. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    No, i can't show him this. This is my safe place, just for us, not for anybody else.

    And, I have tried to explain to him. But, it's hard for people who don't have struggles like we do.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i know it is hard for people to understand it really is maybe your psch doctor can help talk to your husband to explain. i to come here as it is a safe place i am glad you feel safe here too
  8. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Is there any literature you could give him? Would he be willing to do some reading to try and get an idea of what you go through?
  9. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    He's read stuff and he hates my doc. My doc says that is normal, though.

    I think it is just hard for "normal" people to understand DID. It is hard to get your head around if you don't have it. I find it very strange that other people don't have company inside them. I think they must be awfully lonely. At least we always have each other, now that we know each other and are learning to work together. But, we've never known a world of completely alone inside. So, it if is weird for us, it has to be very hard for others to get us.

    It's ok. I don't need him to understand. Often it's better not to fully involve spouses because they can subtly manipulate you. Some do it outright. He knows enough. And most spouses, mine included, find it hard to deal with other people in their marriage. It's caused weird strains. My doc says it's best to leave it be at the basics, usually, with spouses.

    We just hate feeling forgotten. But, that's part of the reason we come here, to be around others, whether they remember us or not.
  10. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I was just thinking that if he understood more that he would have a better apprciation of how it made you feel.

    I'm glad you feel safe here though.

    You are really nice and interesting people so i doubt you will be forgotten anytime soon :hug:
  11. WhatsLeftofHim

    WhatsLeftofHim New Member

    Hi ema;

    I could never EVER forget you. You really helped me the other night, when I really needed someone. I'm new here and don't really have many "friends" but I consider you to be one of them, and very important to me.

    I know what it's like to live with someone who either hasn't a clue about mental illness and/or would rather just not acknowledge it. I have several acquaintances with DID, of course I can't know exactly what it feels like, since I'm a "singleton," but, getting to know them and their insiders has helped me undestand a bit and dispel all those ridiculous stereotypes.

    I'm here for you, thinking about you. :)

    Safe hugs, :hug:
  12. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    Domo, thank you for calling me interesting :smile:

    Kat, you are so special. I'm glad we are friends. :hug:

    Thank you both for you beautiful words and support :hugtackles:
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