forms of death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morning rush, Nov 21, 2009.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    there are many forms of we mostly speak of physical death but what about the inside...what if your dead already inside? Or dead to the world? I'm not part of the world, I don't have a job(because I can't work), I don't have a social life, and I barely have a family life...what's the point of being a walking corpse? So others can have a guilty free conscience? Because god forbid I end my pain, I must keep suffering so my family doesnt suffer...doesn't sound like a fair trade to me...why should I keep on suffering? I have a right to end it...and yet...I'm still here...
  2. StephenP

    StephenP Member

    Similar to how I feel. Lack of selfworth. You tried getting friends? And why can't you work?
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I have severe anxiety disorder, social phobias, depression and avoidant personality anxiety is so intense that wherever I try to work I last about three months and then I crumble to pieces...I have a real life friend but we don't see each other often....
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You are part of MY world and an important at that. As you are for those that enjoy your writing. PM me if you feel up to it.

  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can relate to what you are saying, but somewhere, we are a part of someones something. You never know whose life you may have had an effect on. It may be the person you didn't know but gave a smile to on a day when things seemed hopeless to them. It may be the child that looks up to you for an unknown reason. Maybe it was the elderly woman you held the door for 10 years ago. Somewhere, you made a difference and in so doing, you became part of their world. You are a part of the SF community now. You have a place. :hug:
  6. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I relate to you about social phobia, among other things. When I am in, say a grocery store and someone starts a conversation with me my stomach starts churning and I feel dizzy. I try to be polite and act normal but after about a minute I am sweating like I just forgot my lines in a Broadway play.

    I can't work because of my OCD and I am always trying to keep depression from getting a foothold. What I mean to say is I understand and relate but gentlelady is right- we are making small and continuous positive contributions by even trivial interactions with people. Just remembering that lets me know I am an equal and worthy person in this world.
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I cried when i read this, i feel the same way.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I made you cry...I cried too...I'm just tired, angry and depressive....

    gentle lady did make normal circumstances I would agree...but now I'm always at home, barely out so I'm not really contributing at all...
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