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Hey everyone,
Im new here and this is my first post so please bear with me while i blab away.... Im not too sure why im posting, nor why i feel the need to. Im not sure what's wrong with me...
i know im depressed i cry about nothing and there are days i dont want to get out of bed because i cant bear to see another day. There are times when im really happy and times where i can slice at my legs for an hour.
There has never been a big defining point for me as to when i started feeling like this, i suppose i had a parent pass away, had a miscarriage and found out i cant have children. i have had boyfriends but they have never been too serious, and when they start to, i bail. I have a medical condition that makes me prone to put on weight and i have been putting it on and everyone i speak to tells me very directly i need to lose it. Its coming to a stafe where i dont leave the house unless i have to because im scared of what people will say when they look at me.
I have written suicide notes and planned things out, but when push comes to shove i dont think i can actually do it. Leave everything behind. I dont want to be here at all but ive been through a family death and i think about all the people who would be affected by it. I just feel empty.
im stuck in the middle of something thats leaving me feeling violated and empty. the only joy i feel is when im high or drunk or with my friends.
i dont know what to do, and i dont know how to get out, it seems i keep digging and falling further and further down...
Am i depressed or it is stemming from something else?
Darkness
Im new here and this is my first post so please bear with me while i blab away.... Im not too sure why im posting, nor why i feel the need to. Im not sure what's wrong with me...
i know im depressed i cry about nothing and there are days i dont want to get out of bed because i cant bear to see another day. There are times when im really happy and times where i can slice at my legs for an hour.
There has never been a big defining point for me as to when i started feeling like this, i suppose i had a parent pass away, had a miscarriage and found out i cant have children. i have had boyfriends but they have never been too serious, and when they start to, i bail. I have a medical condition that makes me prone to put on weight and i have been putting it on and everyone i speak to tells me very directly i need to lose it. Its coming to a stafe where i dont leave the house unless i have to because im scared of what people will say when they look at me.
I have written suicide notes and planned things out, but when push comes to shove i dont think i can actually do it. Leave everything behind. I dont want to be here at all but ive been through a family death and i think about all the people who would be affected by it. I just feel empty.
im stuck in the middle of something thats leaving me feeling violated and empty. the only joy i feel is when im high or drunk or with my friends.
i dont know what to do, and i dont know how to get out, it seems i keep digging and falling further and further down...
Am i depressed or it is stemming from something else?
Darkness