Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by walkin, Mar 13, 2009.

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  1. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    I dont know quite how to put this- but......umm.
    I have only been a member for a little while now.
    At first it seemed to be helping me to talk and vent about problems or suicidal thoughts out onto this forum and then people reply with either shared experiences, advice or engouragement.
    Now I see that sharing doesnt really make me feel any better,- its kinda worse...Maybe Im not doing it right,
    I think the forum itself is a blessing for lots of people, so Im not saying anything bad about that at all.
    I dont know- I think Ive just lost the plot a little bit with everything right now.
    Im in counselling as well, and I feel like Im just putting on an act for the counseller, like I dont talk about the extent of whats really happening in my life, because Im afraid that he'll send me to a mental hospital or something else. anyway bye for now.
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    hey walking, welcome to the forum first of all.
    Suicide forum is a pretty good place to get support and to come in a moment of pain. Fact is sometimes it may trigger you

    it does to me sometimes, sometimes it doesnt. Im sure it will be very helpfull for you to start opening up about your feelings. But as everything in life, if u dont think its doing something good on you, leave it.

    Now, if the forum is doing something u dont like but its helping u to feel better then stay and share with us your pain and what you`ve been dealing with. what i think its just that u havent opened up yourself and typing a few things might not be enough and thats why u might noy be feeling good for it.
    those might be some reasons of why u dont feel good by talking, but those are just ideas, because i dont really know u.

    talking is always good, but u gotta find where to talk, it has to be somewhere u feel confortable to do so.

    i really hope u are doing better. Take care walking!
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Walkin,
    I agree you have to open up to be able to get support and ideas on how to better manage yourself. If you don't feel comfortable opening up on the forum then PM one of us and we will talk to you one on one..You really need to open up to your therapist..They can't put together a treatment plan for you if your not honest with them.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Walkin and welcome to the forum. It can be a double edged thing because as Lara pointed out it can trigger things. However I have found that it is the one place that I can truly open up to how I am feeling and because most people here are non judgemental and because of their own experiences can show real understanding it is a great help. Without that help and support that I have found at sf I might not still have been here. Best wishes.:smile:
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi Walkin

    s.f. has been, and continues to be, a tremendous source of support in my life. the people here accept me for who i am. and i can't say that for the outside world - because i am not as open in real life. my friends have their own worries and i try to spare them from mine as much as possible. and there are certain things, they just do not understand - - -

    however, it's been said already, but you have to do what is best for YOU.

    stranger1 was right when he told you that your counselor/therapist can't help you if you aren't fully open. however, i do understand you are reluctance and the reasons for it. there is a fine balance.. perhaps you can edge towards the truth and see how it is handled....leaving yourself room to back away.

    also..i'll repeat stranger1 by saying if posting does not help you - find someone here that you trust, and communicate with them individiually by pm. it may feel like a safer place for you then.

    no matter what you decide, i wish you all the best. and am here if you want to talk. :hug:
  6. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    If you feel you can't be fully honest with your therapist then there is a chance you may need to find a new therapist. The right therapist will help you to be the right client. So don't settle for a mediocre therapist who isn't up to what the job should be.
  7. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Unless you directly say "I'm going to kill myself for sure, right when I leave" or "I'm going to hurt someone" He's not going to put you in a mental hospital. They're there to help, not make you a prisoner.
  8. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    sharing is good as you can pour your heart out and get some relieve but like they say, when u are in a company of positive people, you tend to be positive and vice versa And the biggest issue here is that almost 90% of the people here want to kill themselves. So everyone goes on talking about how unfair life is to them, about how they wish to end their lives, etc, so much so until others get influenced ,like me. *sob* *sob*. Lately I've been thinking a lot about life too (after reading so many threads of such) and find it pretty pointless. Then I started to stop doing a lot of things I used to do cos when I feel like doing it, I start to think, whats the point anyway. Then my friends also noticed that I've been staring out in space quite often and seems to be a bit lost on occassions. I know what is happenning but I'm addicted to this forum. Some one help me. At the rate I'm going, soon, I'll be starting a thread about intentions to kill myself.

    Anyway, I dont think I'll do it though. Fell down enough to learn that its all part of life experiences. Those ups and downs is life.
  9. Canti

    Canti Guest

    I've only read the first post so my appologies if its already been covered.

    When i first joined it helped for about 3 days then it started making my depression worse. I find there is too much negative feeling here and it dragged me down with it because i was surounding myself with it.

    I'd say you have to find the balance of when to post and when to deal with it yourself. For example, some of my first posts were reletively serious (for me, anyway) but the more i posted the less i could deal with my own problems. In the end i was posting here freaking out because i was having fantasies about killing women and found myself looking for way to do it without getting caught (Har). The only reason i was thinking of this is because my depression was being fueled by my dependance of this forum (Depression getting worse so i figured id rape and kill then kill myself. Go out with abit of fun i supose).

    Does that make sence? (And i know i have a low post count, i lurk/pm more than post)

    tl;dr: i became dependant on the support of this forum as a result of being here too much. Also triggers.
  10. the fleet asleep

    the fleet asleep Well-Known Member

    that is the duplicitous edge of a place like this. for some people, being around others in the same kind of situation as them is comforting, and serves to keep their feet on the ground. if anything, a site like this is best used as a means of understanding that youre not alone.

    it seems to me, though, that in many cases peoples suicidal notions are enabled by this site. not purposefully, of course, but in a passive manner. people come here for support in the form of positive attention because they get none otherwise, and when they find this attention, they subconsciously connect it with these suicidal feelings. when you subconsciously connect suicidal feelings with positive attention, you end up only making your depression worse, as you equate it with positive feedback, ie if youre no longer suicidal, you lose this positive feedback.

    moreso than that, a lot of people dont seem to want to use a place like this to get better, but only to help justify their suicidal feelings by connecting with people who feel the same. these people often ignore the positives that can be found in a place like this in exchange for the romanticization of their death.

    in the end, i guess its all about how we choose to cope. i can definitely see how being around suicidal people acting suicidal could make things worse for some. its the same for some who go to AA, and are driven to drink just being in the pressence of so many alcoholics. im thankful this is not the case for me, but i can understand the point of view
  11. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    - Yeah Ive recently tried again and failed and now I feel more sick than ever with life and pain in my body and head- but Im still here - trying again to live- so thanks for the replys- there was helpful info..:huh:
  12. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I can TOTALLY understand how you feel. My best advice is to get in touch with the "GOOD" energy in life. I know I am having this now which is why I am on here. All of us think about ourselves, our values, and what we think about God or religion... even if we are atheist!!! I know I have the good energy now... I say you should see through the lies and the things which seem important but aren't. You were honest here and I can see that. Because of that, I was compelled to care about you. I can see some lack of faith in you and believe me, I have the same lack of faith. It's because people tell us to believe in a certain way. You have the right to find your own way. You can find a peace with yourself in this world... and a peace WITH this world... and it is totally your right to find your own understanding of it. There IS a peace for you.. and an understanding of your life which will help you deal.... I understand part of it.... and some of it is only yours. I think everything will work out for you. :)
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