Found a note, please help

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ConcernedDad73, Sep 17, 2012.

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  1. ConcernedDad73

    ConcernedDad73 New Member

    I'm posting this here because I couldn't find a spot to post about concerned parents so I'm sorry if it's out of place but I need advice. This weekend my 13 year old son stayed at his mothers for the weekend something he rarely does because she never has time for him because of her work. ( not because she dont want him, she loves him.) While he was gone my wife ( his step mom ) and I were putting something in his room and I noticed on the floor was a well folded paper that said TO DAD: I'm sorry but I just can't handle it anymore. That was all it said but it got my alarm bells ringing and I instantly called to check on him, he was fine but when he was brought home he refused to talk about it except to say he'd been thinking of killing himself. My son is a very bright and artistic boy, he was even asked last two years by his school to design the cover art for the school musicals, something he's very proud of considering he's the only student asked. He's funny, intelligent, honest, caring but also and sadly bullied, he's told me before that sometimes he feels everything and everyone is going to crush him. I hate to say this and am not trying to pass blame but he and his step mom do not get along and never have. She loves him very much but they butt heads on a daily basis often to the point where screaming becomes involved. Yes I've tried several times to stop it but I can't.
    My son has no mental illness that we are aware of but he does have ADHD and is on Adderall. I need help talking to him, how do I get him to open up more about things? I'm not sure what to do and it scares the hell out of me. *I used to be one of those ignorant people that figured suicide was for cowards but MY son is no coward so I admit I was wrong for that and I'm sorry to anyone who's ever been through it. But please any advice on this will be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you:troll2:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi I think what can be done if your son will agree is to go in and get some therapy for him. Family therapy perhaps or individual therapy where he can talk to a professional openly without being afraid of what his says. Sounds like he is dealing with a lot and holding in anger about not having his mother with him. He does have an illness hun it is depression he is so sad and talking to someone about his sadness will help There is councilling at the school he attends perhaps setting some time up with councillor will help him there.
    It is a good thing you found note hun because it has made you aware of how deep your sons sadness goes. Time to get him the therapy he needs to help him deal with the separation of his parents take care of YOu too ok if you get some therapy for You it will help you cope give you skills as well to help your son hugs
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I don't know about your relationship with his Mom but one of the things I would consider doing straight away is let her know what's happened - if nothing else so that you can get a consistent approach moving forward.

    I don't know what country you're in so obviously there are different medical arrangements depending on where you are, but I would talk to him about it and also get your family doctor involved. Like TE says, he does have an illness, it's called depression - one that's very treatable. You might also want to make it known to the school (especially if they have a resident counsellor) but I would advise doing this only if the school can keep it confidential.

    If there's anything else you'd like to know then feel free to ask.

  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I lost my son in 2010. He too had no mental illness that we were aware of. He was extremely smart and quite successful (had been on a Disney TV series and his band was just taking off, with a large music company about to sponsor them). Feel free to contact me in private if you wish to discuss your situation. Definitely have concern, as you are showing, because you do not want to live out the rest of your life in an empty shell like me. Be very afraid and take steps to pursue prevention.
  5. ConcernedDad73

    ConcernedDad73 New Member

    Well we called and spoke to his school counselor this morning after he left for the school bus and she asked if she could see the note before speaking with him. When I showed her the note she said " Oh is this it? I've seen bigger." I felt like she was saying its no big deal because it wasn't a long letter documenting every ounce of his pain. Then again maybe it's my job to hope for more of a reaction. But she is going to speak with him and also gave us the number to Boot Heel Counseling here in Missouri. My wife is speaking to them as I type this up. Maybe and hopefully I'm wrong about the school counselor and she takes it seriously because as much as it may seem like a small note compared to others, it's huge to us.
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    What a horrible, but typical, reaction from the school counselor. I am pushing to our state a program to start educating school coaches, counselors, teachers, and others in similar positions to understand more clearly the warning signs... and to know what levels of reaction and steps to consider when presented similar situations.

    Your own gut feelings are the most important and most valid. ALWAYS error on the side of caution. Be forewarned too that even mental health professionals can often take things too lightly, so if you have a feeling and you don't get the kind of attention you should from the "professionals," then continue pursuing. Just like anything (regular doctors, car repair shops, etc.), there are good services and not so good. Sometimes you have to shop around.
  7. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I've written about 3 notes in my lifetime and left them lying around the house... Not sure if anyone found them.

    From my experience, a suicide note means either a suicide attempt, or a plan to die in the near future. In that case, your son probably didn't have the means to commit suicide which is most likely what has stopped him thus far. He is suicidal, you don't write a note for nothing.

    I wouldn't approach him directly about it, it might make him uncomfortable but definitely get him some treatment. Virtually all parents tend to be in denial, even if there are obvious signs their child may be bullied or depressed.
  8. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    definitely try to get him help. family counseling is amazing if done right. you will be more connected to your child than before and it could open your mind to what they are going through and give them insight into what is going on so they do no miss interpret the situation again in the future.
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