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Found a purpose, but do you think it's worth it?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Madam Mim, Jun 15, 2010.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    For a long time now I've struggled with the idea that I have no purpose to life, and have concluded that I can't live without one. There is more to my depression and suicidal feelings than this, but it has been the underlying theme. However, this morning I had an epiphany of what my purpose could be.

    I've become quite bitter that all of my relationships, with friends, family and even acquaintances, are one-sided. I give my all to make them happy, but get nothing in return. Recently I've had a couple of people say that I'm the best friend they've ever had, which is fine and makes me feel good, except that they're not good friends to me. I'm there for them, and do everything I can for them, but they don't seem to care about me at all. And then it suddenly occured to me - my purpose in life is to be that person. The one who is there for everyone, to make them all happy.

    But this comes at a price of my own contentment. Even if I can accept this as my purpose, I will remain bitter about it, and more than likely remain suicidal for as long as I live. So my question is this: is this purpose worth it? Should I continue to live just for other people? Is this purpose more important than my own happiness? Your honest thoughts and opinions would be appreciated as I'm struggling with this idea. Incidentally, if you believe that your own life has a purpose, I would love to hear it.

    Many thanks,
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    While I can't really give you advice on the rest of your post, as I would probably get it wrong, I can reply to this.

    Do not live just for other people. It sounds like a good thing, but it isn't. I tried it for years, and it just doesn't work. Put yourself first, and people second. Always. You are the most important thing in your life, you always will be, and by putting yourself first you will like yourself more and in turn be a better friend to others.

    Also, I find your intentions admirable. I wish more people were like that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2010
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I feel exactly the same as you Mim.....
    I have always been a carer of others but don't care that much for myself...
    At the moment it's not enough to give me a purpose though....wish it was but I'm tired of caring for others and getting nothing in return....:hugtackles:
  4. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    Actually, I disagree with both of you. While it's commendable to show Altruism(i.e.,Unselfish concern for others), one should also try to find happiness for oneself. Strike a happy medium, strike a balance.

    Another attitude to take is when I do favors for a close friend, I don't keep a record, I don't keep a tally as to how much I do for him. There's no way to make favors exactly equal for both sides. In other words, just help not because you have to, but because you want to.
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies. I found them all very interesting and useful. I am really struggling with this, and need time to think things through. I really appreciate your thoughts though, thank you.

  6. girlblue

    girlblue Active Member

    Maybe, I have found a purpose? I no longer have a million thoughts a day about killiing myself. But now the reality of my situation has me obverwhelmed. I have a zillion bad things I need to get done and I have no idea how to make them happen. I feel like I wish God give give me back my cloudy thinking so I don't have to face the realities of this situation. Dear Lord, what must I do to be saved both in body and spirit. Pray that I am not violating some of the rules of this forum. Also not trying to trigger any negative thougths for anyone. Apologies in advance!
  7. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    I've always lived for other people and not for myself....it seems like it works and it's a good idea, but when those people you live for leave for whatever reason, it's nearly impossible to bounce back

    I'd say keep being there, but don't let that be your only purpose in life..
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Mim. I don't think that your sole purpose in life should be to serve other people. You're not a slave and people shouldn't be treating you like one. Your own personal happiness and fulfillment should come first. That's the only way that you will be truly happy, and once you are happy, then you can help others to be happy. Giving of yourself is great, but it shouldn't come at a cost to yourself. If your friends are true friends then they should understand that they should be there for you too. Hope this helps. :hug:
  9. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies. Although I agree that this shouldn't be my sole purpose in life, I still feel that it might well be. I feel like I have two choices; to accept this and get on with it even though I'll never be happy, or not to accept it, which will surely result in my suicide as I see no other option.

    I'm aware that this sounds drastic, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to me to feel that I have some sort of meaning to my life. I've already come to accept that I'll never have a loving relationship, which hurts so much, but to think that I will never find happiness at all is too much. But I can't see how it's possible.

    Anyway, I'm rambling. Thank you again for your replies, it's greatly appreciated.

  10. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi, altruism and kindness is good. Caring for others makes the world a better place, and gives you a purpose in life. We need more people in life like that.

    However it seems, that happiness for most people will come through fulfilling their deep desires. For some it might be in a relationship with the right person, where you are made to feel that you feel that you are the most special person in all the earth. Or having someone to come home to. Or knowing someone is here for you.
    We all need some one in our corner.
    We also seem to have a need to achieve our life's dreams, whether it be writing a book, or a particular calling in life.
    We need to belong to a community where we matter and people know your name and respect you.
    We need to know our lives have meaning, a desire get up in the morning with an eagerness to invest in life. Hope this helps.
  11. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Don't let their wants enslave you! You deserve to work for yourself.
  12. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    I approach my friendships the same way. Lately, I have been really wondering though how fair of an assessment that that is.
    You know how when you put a dent in the car its an understandable mistake, but HOW COULD THAT OTHER PERSON DO THAT!? Or...you know, whatever example fits best in there..
    Or how one person can feel like they are being really mean, and the other can just see it as honesty that they appreciate?
    Um...what I am trying to say is that ones own measure for their behavior will never (or very rarely) really truly mesh with anothers so to weigh one way of showng kindness, or of being a friend or of experiencing friendship, against another can really tear you down.
    I do it all the time. My relationships stress me out HORRIBLY. And my friends are find because they DONT do that.
    Im not saying you arent nice, or that maybe they dont take advantage of you, just suggesting that there is no way to know for sure, or no standard of a proper of perfect friend. They arent, you arent, Im not.
    If whats going on IS a big problem to you, then maybe its not a friendship at all and you should find something more uplifting.
    Also, I thought that was my purpose. Until I relaized how miserable it made me and how much I went back an forth between revving myself up for mrtyrdom in the name of friendship and hating how I was being treated. Now, I dont have a purpose to suffer for, but i also have a slightly more stable understanding of my friends and their value to me.
  13. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies. It's very interesting and useful to hear your views. I still don't know what to make of it, but your thoughts and experiences are really helpful. I mentioned it briefly to my counsellor today, so will continue to explore it and see how I can make this work.

    Thanks again,
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Good luck, Mim!
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