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Found an old SF friend

Beautiful Disaster

Forum Buddy
SF Supporter
I have been on and off on this site for 13 years now. In 2009 i started talking to another member; X (just keeping it private).
For some reason I felt strongly connect to this guy and I remember our conversations well.
He felt miserable back then and left the website. Leaving me wondering if he was okay. Which is fine btw. I know that happens on here.

Earlier this year I went through an old email adress cause I was looking for old pictures. I stumbled upon an old email from X.
I decided to email him to see if he was still alive and okay. I wanted to share the beginning to our exchange..

Hey! Do you still use this email?

Hey. No, I don’t. Hope this helps.

Yeah it does, bye.

Me: (again a day later cause I wanted to know)
I remember a X from years ago that i met on a suicideforum. Thought it was you

I’m really sorry about that caustic and rude response. Yes that was me on the suicide forum, and yes I still use this email.
I thought it was scam.
So shocked right now, I don’t know how to feel. A part of me feels like it was a lifetime ago, but it also feels like just yesterday.
Very strange feeling.
My apologies, my memory of that time is very clouded, I was in a really dark place and looking back was self centred, arrogant and very selfish. I really didn’t connect with many people online, or real life for that matter so in total honesty with some details don’t really remember you. Sorry.
I guess I have to ask, why after all these years and all this passed time contact me?


Love how he thought I was scamming him. Regardless I explained to him why I messaged him and we actually started talking.
I told him what I remembered from our conversations and he actually did remember me, and some details about my life too.
We started sharing life updates and pictures. He even said: "It was 11 years ago and there’s not a single soul who I still know from that period of my life so you truly are unique and the exception to me."
Now we email eachother often and I am really happy that he is okay.
(If he didn't want to stay in touch it would have been fine too. Knowing he is doing better is all I wanted.)

This forum has given me so much. Including him as a very special friend. I genuinely feel blessed to have found this site many years ago. And to meet all the awesome people on this site <3

Just wanted to share.


Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
What you wrote has made me think about some of the members I have met here since I've joined. Some have drifted away, others have maintained contact much like you via email. Those who have "gone off the grid" I do on occasion wonder about them. For some you kinda know they are in a better place and have moved on, but for a couple of others that I met here, it seems lets say it all caught up with them and eventually got too much. But for all of them, hope they have peace.

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