Found my friend dead-can't deal with it

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Steven taylor, Aug 7, 2016.

  1. Steven taylor

    Steven taylor New Member

    I'm new on this forum.A few weeks back I found my best friend who I have lived with for many years since school,he took his own life.He was my soul mate,my only real friend who we did every single thing together.We drank out quite a bit the only problem is that he got hocked on sleeping tablets and eventually stoped working and just drank all day.He ran out of money and I paid everything,he wouldn't go for help and kept arguing with family and eventually cutting them out.Every time he tried to start work again it lasted a day or two.He had a great skill job and made 3times the average persons thing he used to question is what is the point of life,he couldn't see how the average person did what they did.we did everything together until I found him dead.

    I overnight have changed the same way,I haven't been back to work,I own my own company that is starting to battle and I feel like I don't care.I battle to get out of bed,sometimes the whole day I lie down,I ignore ph calls,I can't stop crying and have started to think of ways to end it all.I have seen how his family have been devastated and the fact that he was well known ,outsiders were even hit newspapers.Outside he always had a smile.Anyway I stumbled on this forum and honestly don't know what's going to happen to me.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. I am sorry for your loss. Are you getting professional help.
  3. Joanieo

    Joanieo Member

    I am so sorry - wish I had some magic words for you.
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. Are you getting grief counselling? Losing a friend is like losing a partner - the level of pain and loss can often even be more - especially if you have been friends for a long time or shared a particularly deep connection. It is understandable that you are lost in your grief at the moment. Please please see a doctor and get some help - you do not have to deal with this alone and it is okay that you are finding it impossible to do so.

    Take care, and stay safe.

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @Steven taylor and welcome to the forum. So sorry for your major loss. Back in 2011 I lost my friend, I was in the same frame of mind you are in now, please believe me when I say it does get better and time helps to heal too but you do need help and as much of it as you can get. We will walk this battle with you. Please see a professional, you see that he didn't so that shows thats you know its the correct thing to do. Best of luck to you and always around if you need anything.
  6. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hi, I am Mox

    Welcome to SF. Here at SF you are SAFE, no one is going to harass you, or ridicule you. You are among friends; friends that are all facing their own demons.

    If you are feeling suicidal please go to the nearest ER and get some help you desperately need.

    It is ok to hurt. You have been through a lot. I can not even begin to imagine the nightmare you encountered when you found your friend.

    Maybe consider going to the ER today and getting some medication to help you through this difficult time.

    If you are not seeing a counselor , I highly recommend seeing one to help you through this shock to your system.

    I know you want to stay in bed because you are so overwhelmed, but you need to get out of bed and focus them on something else besides the pain you are in.

    You are among friends do not hesitate to reach out to any of us for help.

    Take Care of Yourself
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    So sorry for your loss. And that you found him yourself. But there are counselor's out their who specialize in grief and loss. I would really suggest looking into that. Also, be gentle with yourself. Grief is a highly personal thing. By that I mean, everyone grieves differently. And it takes time. A counselor would certainly be able to guide you through the worst of it. And do take note of how his death has devastated both his family and you. I am confident that you would not want to cause such pain for anyone else. So please, take care of yourself.
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are suffering from the loss of your friend which deeply hurting. The loss is something that you need professional counselling or group therapy. You need to tell your doctor as its something you cannot deal with your own.

    We can help as are a supportive group of people who understand your feelings and know what you are going through. The final committment is not the answer as the loss is very hurtful.

    Keep posting as your important to us. Please keep yourself safe.
  9. Anonymous <3

    Anonymous <3 Active Member

    Depression is horrible.
    You've suffered through so much, yet you're still here.
    You have every right to cry. He was your soulmate, you have every right to grieve.
    I can't tell you what to do, so I won't.
    However, your bestie sounds like a wonderful person, I'm sure you are too.
    You may not care, but we do.
    We're devastated by your loss, it has become that we can feel it too. That sadness, though in no comparison to yours.
    We care if you end it, just like you cared that he ended his.