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Found you...(Trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lauru, Mar 14, 2010.

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  1. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    So glad I found this forum. Some place I can talk about my suicide without fearing that I'll get put IP. So, I have nothing to live for and I am worthless. I have bipolar disorder and am so depressed. I am giving myself 3 weeks and then I am going to decide if I should kill myself. I am giving therapy a little time to work. It's an Intensive Outpatient Program. I have been in regular therapy for my entire adult life, and I am 37. My pdoc said that I am suffering from a chronic illness with recurring episodes every 6-18 months. That these episodes last for up to 12 weeks. I can't work, I am going on disability forever. I will never be able to achieve my dreams and goals. They told me "You can do anything you set your mind to. And You can be anything you want to be if you just work hard enough." Well it's all a bunch of horse shit. I work damn hard and I am still here, in this black hellhole. So, I am looking forward to the end of the three weeks. I will have peace one way or the other.:(
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I suffer Bipolar too. And I do mean suffer. It's nasty cuz it does take over. Depressed, manic, so damn depressed, manic etc. I've been on disability for quite some time. And yes people so often offer words of advice and theories as to how you can make your life better and have no idea what they are saying when you're bipolar. They cant even begin to understand how this disorder rules your life.

    But there is so much support and care you can find here. Honestly. Suicidal pain is the same regardless of what has brought you to that place. You can talk about your pain, problems and find people who will listen and not judge. So please keep posting. Let the members see how they can help you through the blackness.

    You've given yourself 3 weeks. That in itself shows that you really dont want to end your life. Just the pain. In that time please keep looking for any or all other options. I know how overwhelmed you feel. This site has pulled me back from the edge many times. Now lets see if it can do the same for you. Here if you want to talk about things. :arms:
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't know much about bi-polar but wanted you to know I'm listening....
    I'm glad you are giving therapy a try....is 3 weeks long enough for it to work?
    would you like to talk about the dreams and goals you have?...
    i am on disability pension and it's been a good for me as work was always a struggle with my depression....
    I hope this new program works for you and you will be able to continue with your dreams....
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