Four Times Failed...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Manic!, Jan 22, 2008.

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  1. Manic!

    Manic! Well-Known Member

    I've attempted suicide four times last year,,, two with the wrists and twice with overdosing... I'm not going into details
    I've been on suicide watch before in school... Where the techers check how sharp your pencils and pens are,, no rulers, check your bag twice a lesson, escort you to the bathroom and each lesson, take you home aswell.

    ...So far this year,, I haven't cut which I suppose is good for some people. Fricken hell for me. I have my parents watching me everyday, Kids at school and the teachers still. I see a councillor twice a week during school and frankly I think he's rubbish and not doing anything to 'help'.

    That's not the point though,,,
    For the last few days a strong urge has come over me. I wanna try again but I'm under so much watch and 'protection against' myself there is no way I can do it. I even have a motion sensor on my door. Get up in the middle of the night to go toilet or any it goes off. A 'rent comes out and waits for me to go back.

    I'm under so much watch it annoys me and makes me feel worse about myself. And I can't cut again even if I did have the tools because no-one will allow me to do what I want.
    It's frustrating and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going crazy, the most I can do to take my mind of things are write and draw. And that's not enough,,, I constantly chew gum or anything and that's because when I try to scratch my arms I can't. Not with all these people around restricting me...
    It hurts to know I can't do anything private.

    I need to end. And there is no way that I can find which will help me.

  2. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    Do you know why you are monitored? Because they don't want to lose you. I doubt anyone wants to, mind you..
  3. Manic!

    Manic! Well-Known Member

    I say they just don't want the trouble of holding a funeral or whatever.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Funny, when i first read this thread I thought who is that person being mean to the original poster.... but now that i reread is see it is you being so mean to you! Yikes.


    If you look in the SI /SH forum you will find ideas for when u want to cut, things like ice cubes, hot and cold showers, rubber bands, writing on your arms with markers, and more. Sounds like your counsellor isn't working out so well. Can you change counsellors? Finally, coming online and venting it all out is a great release. It's really helped me. I'll be thinking of you....
  5. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Since when is that unusual for us all?
  6. Manic!

    Manic! Well-Known Member

    I'll have a look in the SI/SH forum.
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