Free at last...??? ...Or...?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by touglytobeloved, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I was living with a tiny piece of hope many years. And I finally lost it. I dont hope anymore. Im just waiting the day when I will take my life in my hands. I have ifnally reslised that there is no way out for me, exept ending my life. I have seen that there is no hope that things will ever be better. But, when I was hoping that things will be better, I was thinking that if I lose this hope, things will be better, because I will feel happy and free. But, I have lost my hope, but I am still scared, afraid, I still think what will be if I do this, if I do that, if I say this, If I say that, what should others think. Sometimes I think, I can do what I want now, because I live my last days (or weeks, months, I dont know) and no mather what I will do, soon it will be all over, without consequences. But I cant feel like that. Why I still care for the others, why? I thought that at least my last days here should be embrased by freedom, and full of joy and happines. But I dont feel like I am free. Am I so fucked up, that I cant be happy even If I know the fact that everything is gonna end soon, all problems, all pain, all suffering?
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    No, if things are that bad you've got a plan of killing yourself it is generally not something that is gonna put you in a happy mood for the week. I was a nervous wreck until the antidepressants kicked in, now I'm just not dwelling on things and have kind of gone numb to the whole thing. I'll just have to see if I can and want to cope when the time comes.

    You should goto see your doctor and tell them how lovestruck you are and that you are contemplating suicide, they'll arrange some counselling for you where you can go and talk about your problems with somebody that has been trained to deal with them and you can get some help.

    Still, I know there is no cure for a broken heart, but most of us have been there, very few people are with the first person they fell in love with. Your brain is sensitive to new experiences, love is one of them, you will feel much more intense emotions the first time, it will get easier as time passes.

    Just tell her how you feel or you will regret it, you said she's already got a boyfriend so there is no point continuing to hurt yourself like this.

    Problems are there to be solved, suicide is an escape, not a solution, it is a result of depression and an inability to cope. You could kill yourself, but for all you know she could change the way she feels and fall in love with you in a few years, so then your death would have been for nothing.

    I'm afraid you're just gonna have to try to be brave and mend your broken heart overtime like the rest of us had to, I know it is difficult, but you can do it. It is not worth taking your life over, you won't know the love you that will have missed out on.

    Take care
  3. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    First of all, thanks for your kind words.
    1. I cant go to the doctor, doctors cant help me, and this is a small town, everyone will know about that.

    2. Because of my situation (look and health) i dont think i will be able to find love.

    3. I will probably tell her, even if i know she already knows, but doesnt know how strong my feelings are. And she doesnt have a boyfriend yet, she just said that to me, but next day she told me its not true.

    4. I cant wait few years. I dont have so much time. I would wait, If i know that something will change. But I know it wouldnt. So why to suffer that long? I know you will say now, wait, there is hope, you dont know what she feels, but I can feel her, I know her to well, and I can read her minds. If you were here, you could understand what im saying, and that there is no hope anymore.

    Thanks anyway.
  4. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    There is something called patient doctor confidentiality, nobody will know what you have gone there for. Doctors are there to help you, that is what they get paid for. They can help you, they have medications you can take to help the way you're feeling and can arrange counselling, it will help to talk about your feelings face to face.
    You might think that, but you don't know until you try and continue living your life. There are no certainties, love can come when you least expect it. You say your health is bad, but surely there are exercises you can do to get fit and stronger, it will make you feel much better about yourself and improve your appearence. Exercise is good for your health and has lots of benefits, I am two stone heavier now since I started training. If you loved yourself more you wouldn't be so insecure as to attach all your feelings of love and hope onto a single person.
    Might as well, at least it is out in the open then. No point torturing yourself by spending time with somebody you are in love with who doesn't feel the same way, at least you can move on with your life then and find somebody else to love.
    If there is not hope with this girl then there is hope with another, you are only young and can still find the love you seek. Why don't you have a few years. The point is you never really know anything that is gonna happen in the future unless you have a crystal ball, we are never the same person as we was yesterday, lifes experiences moulds us.

    Take care
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