Friday night...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ZombiePringle, Sep 24, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Here it is...another friday night and I will be stuck at home again. The only thing weekends do is remind me of my pathetic,Friendless, worthless existence. Whats the point of it? Sitting at home playing videogames or watching DVDs every friday and saturday night....and thats all I do. I work or I stay home. Its the only 2 things that happen in my life. I don't want to do this anymore.
     
  2. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I know it's not easy being home alone, especially on a friday night. I know you fear going out. But is it the social pressure to go out that makes you feel that way? The pressure to socialize? Because if you actually enjoy being home and playing videogames, then i don't see the wrongness in it. In any case, stay strong Josh :hug:
     
  3. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I don't exactly fear going out. Just fear going out to public places. I would really like to just be able to call up a friend and be like "Hey, I'm coming over for a while" I mean I do enjoy videogames and movies...but it just seems pathetic to me that its all I do on my time off from work. All I hear from people at work is "Yeah I'm going out to the bar this weekend with so and so. Hey, Josh are you even doing anything this weekend?" Same answer everytime...Nope just staying home.
     
  4. change

    change Member

    I'm the same, and I felt the same, but I've done it for so long now, I don't feel that way, it's who I am and what I do.
     
  5. n3ar_theend

    n3ar_theend New Member

    I've gotten to the point where I no longer want to go out on a Friday and mix with public. I dont know if this is good or bad for me. But going out always makes me depressed afterwards. So I just don't.
     
  6. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    That's my life too. And that's why the weekends suck so much. Then Sunday night rolls around and I'm like "f*ck I should have done... something!"
     
  7. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    yeah...I hate living this way. I think I'm done. I'm giving up...
     
  8. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    I've found myself this position a lot (last night too). I've started over with social lives having moved about 5 times and lived somewhere a year or more.

    I think work might be one of the best opportunities to make plans. If someone asks you what youre doing that leaves the door open to join them. Even if you dont like what theyre doing particularly, dont ever brush certain types of people off unless its clear they wanna use you or something douchey.

    Do you think you have some anxieties or are you just depressed? Are you shy at all? I used to be really shy but after moving so many times and realizing that I may as well of done whatever I wanted back there because it doesnt follow me I started to stop caring about what other people think.

    I go out by myself sometimes. I try not to be that guy that goes to a place on his own though to the same place though. Anythings better than nothing. Keep your mind open all the time to entrances into other people's lives. The only thing you need to worry about is knowing when youre too pushy and which situations are innapropriate and people usually make that obvious.

    Here's an example from my life: At McDonalds (nobody else in line) I take my time ordering mentioning i never had a McChicken(?) and if theyre any good. The chick at the register happened to be friendly and said yes and she couldn't believe I'd never had one. I say i'm sorry sarcastically and order my meal. She says she actually has never tried a Big Mac and I tell her she's not a dedicated enough employee. All this sarcastic of course. Now the next times I come here and she's there she remembers me and mentions she hasnt or had tried a Big mac yet. Now if I had balls I'd ask her if she wanted to get that big mac together or just ask for her number but she's probably 16 anyway.. I'm not saying make shit up, but don;t minimize yourself to other people's lives. Look for a chance to make a leap of faith.

    People inherentantly don't trust strangers? Are you a creep? How are you gonna prove you're not? If you have the balls to approach people you dont know (a LOT of people in decent social lives DONT have that ability unless introduced) then that automatically makes you interesting. Keep a conversation going and show some normal human emotions and they start to trust you. I'm not just talking women. It'd probably be better to make male friends. A lot of people arent open to new friends off the street so you gotta find the right guys and dont be afraid when your parting to ask for a number or give it before you part and follow up in the near future so they actually remember you decently.

    I know its probably less awkward for you to talk to guys (if youre a guy) but trying to open up a longer line of communication with a dude can be harder than with a chick. But even if you'd prefer chicks its good to make male friends first. If youre feeling comfortable with a guy I'd play it safe "You seem pretty cool" offer a compliment or something and try to make it sound as not gay as possible.

    You ever been approached by someone who was alone on the street? Were they asking for money or what? Did you think they were a "loner"? Its all about charisma and confidence. Would you be shy asking for money if you really needed it (to feed your drug addiction)? Obviously you dont ask people dumb questions like "hey will you be my friend." Easier said than done but practice makes perfect. Some people (especially chicks :( )are potentially gonna think youre a little odd being alone.

    There's nothing wrong going somewhere alone though. But like I said, don't make it a habit going the same place alone each time at least thats my advice. People give you some leeway depending on where you are before they judge you. Maybe youre just having a bad day or maybe you really just went to the bar to watch the game because you dont have t.v.. You dont have to lie but dont assume youre gonna be viewed as a loser going out alone because its not true, sometimes its even more of the opposite. And if you get real nervous or something its not always as obvious as you think... people can't always tell if they dont know you. They also might be drinking or think you might be drinking (depending on the time and location) or even high on something. So as long as you can sort of speak clearly don't assume youre obviously socially inept.

    People learn to live wiht this shit and you can too (or even recover i h ope some day?). Some people are blessed with easy situations they can have fun in and others have to work for it. I know one thing that makes me depressed and hold myself back is a notion of other people seeing me as a loser or sensing that i'm socially shitty. We're in a minority though dude and that makes it not so obvious. I think people are 10 times more scared they could be having a conversation with someone who is really crazy or a freakin serial killer when youre reserved and alone. The vast majority of people aren't gonna be like "eewww this guys a loser i dont wanna talk to him" if they knew you were just some decent guy with no life so dont think that way. Its a hard balance, you dont wanna lie or put on a face but you dont wanna do what you feel like doing. If youre talking to someone and they seem uncomfortable ask them if theyre ok or apologize if your making them that way.

    Anyway I fail a lot too. But don't be unhappy because youre staying home alone when its prime time for people to have fun. Dont assume youre gonna have a great time either, you very well could but you could also require some investment to really get a "life" going again. And dont rely on getting drunk. Youre just gonna lose control. If you wanna drink, only get buzzed then slow it down substantually. Oops i wrote too much.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 25, 2010
  9. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Yes on the anxiety and depression. I have really bad cases of both. Now I have tried to make plans with people I work with but it always ends up being them cancelling because something better comes up. I actually don't have any issues with talking to anybody (no matter if they are male or female) as long as I know them. However the thought of talking to a complete stranger terrifies me. I know a lot of these "lonely" friday and saturday nights could be solved by just putting myself out there but its not going to be easy at all for me.
     
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    that sux if you don't enjo your weekends.
     
  11. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    hmmm.... I'm not sure what to say and I'm not a professional. But I was really terrible being around strangers I didn't know too for the longest time.

    I remember this friend of my parents told me when I was reasonably young to look right back at someone whose looking at you even if youre uncomfortable. I never really made much eye contact and he told me just to pick a spot on their face and stare at it. That was just one issue I had but its one of the few things I can draw to that made an impression.

    I remember it was really bad and I used to feel sick and get all red and sweaty for no logical reasons except someone was talking to me I didn't know.

    I think part of my problem was I developed acne as teenager. In fact, I had it all the way up til i joined the army and it completely dissapeared within a few weeks. I suspect exercise and much healthier eating (almost no sugar at all) may have helped out a lot with that.

    Is there something youre not happy about with yourself or does the social anxiety seem to have no cause? Do you drink at all? I'm not saying thats a solution at all, a lot of people you wouldnt think were so pathetic have to drink to loosen up.

    If moving all those times is what helped me out, it was a pretty darn painful process and occurred over a few years. I think a lot of people start off pretty shy in certain situations. Starting college for the first time a few weeks ago I was even a little nervous. And since its my first year all my classmates are freshman, sitting quiet on the first day not talking. It was so tense in one class when I asked alloud what everyone did for their weekend everybody laughed because nobody was talking. You're just experiencing this at a greater level and longer. Its a cruel and fucked up condition.

    Like I said I'm not an expert but I think any step in the right direction towards self improvement is better than nothing. I know people settle in where they live and depending on the size of the community people might even notice if youre "out of character" all the sudden. It might be a good idea to travel to a different town on the weekends and get a cheap motel within walking distance of some places and venture out. You can scout out places easily enough on the internet. That way you don't feel pressured to perform or pay any consequences.

    I really think travelling helped me out in this area, although it has the potential to make you feel like crap if you don't will yourself to do stuff. You cant expect to be comfortable in any environment you go into. I know in Europe, they have real cheap places to stay called hostels and you live in close quarters with other travelers and they usually have a bar and stuff in them. Too bad they don't really have those here in the U.S.. Some lady I barely knew on my paper route when I was a little kid.... before i moved across country .. told me after i said i was moving that you can "be whoever you want to be when you move." Now that sounds kind of dumb like youre supposed to try and be someone else but its the same concept. People I knew in high school would hardly recognize me today and you hear that kind of stuff all the time about people whose personalities changed so don't be losing hope.

    Oh man i'm writing too much again
     
  12. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    yeah maybe some of that will work for me. I'm willing to give it a try. And yes I do drink sometimes...Its what I need to do sometimes to not freak out. And you're not writing too much. You're saying whats on your mind. Its never good to constrict what you want to say in my opinion anyways. If you feel its important to say or if you just want to say it I say write it in full detail without leaving anything out.
     
  13. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    You just gotta remember if you dont like something about yourself that there's always somebody out there like you living a normal life and there's no reason you shouldn't too. The feelings of anxiousness really don't make sense so if your mind and/or your bodys saying "no" you have to remember that its actually full of shit.

    Trust me there's some shit you gotta worry about out there. I've had some pretty nasty rejections and it sucks. But you never know if you don't try. I saw a girl sitting at a bar alone for about 15 minutes. I'm alone at the bar and there's about 15 other dudes there probably none of them alone. I asked her if she was alone and I asked why. Now damnit she was a lesbian but we had a pretty good conversation and she was happy to talk to me for over an hour and now she's someone I can talk to again if I want to. And trust me if I sound like a winner I stayed home last night even though i didnt want to and tonight i'm struggling whether or not.

    Now if youre really rusty at talking (sounds crazy but I've found it hard to talk to people sometimes) you havta learn to pull shit out of your ass. "Thats a nice phone you have" "I don't want one because I'm addicted to facebook as it is" When i was stationed in Germany I would write lines on a piece of paper (in german) and try using them. I definitely wouldn't do that though and it never got me much of anywhere except for some laughs.

    There's something of a science of escalation in conversation to lure people into being comfortable with you. Its kind of a double whammy because you arent comfortable with people and they arent comfortable with strangers either. This is something that people normally arent comfortable in doing in the first place. A drunk person is much more likely to talk to you out of nowhere than a sober person. Thats why they call it liquid courage. I'm not saying its a good thing, I get real quiet when I get too drunk because I'm afraid of being an idiot (rightfully so). But thats what normal people do to get courage so don't feel like youre the only one whose got anxiety, you just have it at a higher level.

    I see a bunch of people if theyre alone dig into their iphone or blackberry or whatever they have. I dont have one of those but if you need somewhere to hide your gaze that always works for time youre by yourself. I'm talking about bars a lot... but thats not the only place you can meet people. Its just probably the easiest. And there's plenty of different types of bar where nobody would think twice if youre there alone. I have a bar in my home town about 2 doors down from me where I go all the time. Theyre probably the only friends I really have in my hometown after having been in the Army 5 years. A typical crowd usually goes there and anything can develop from there.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 25, 2010
  14. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    Yeah i think ima go out.

    Anyway man. I can't stress enough that a lot of people have issues.

    My roommates birthdays were a few consecutive days ago. Theyre both chicks and i havent hung out with them so much and they dont solicit hanging out much. But I realized how fucked up they are themselves being decent looking seniors in college. They obsessively drink and smoke weed. They cant seem to go out without getting wasted. I think they associate alcohol and drugs and (prescription drugs like aderol) for having fun at all. They dont do shit else for fun

    Hell It was me, another chick and these 2 girls whose birthday it was. Thats all that showed up which was kinda sad I thought considering how socially active they are. They were visibly upset about it too. The other chick revealed all kinds of fucked up problems for herself. I guess its been so long I've hung out with people who are comfortable around me outside of the Army that I was very surprised how many problems most people have. So don't feel like a total loser if you do. All lonesomeness is in that extreme is an experience you can learn from some day.

    I'm still depressed as bad as ever but since I lost the social anxiety for the most part, I've learned to respect "loners" a lot more and In rare circumstances I see opportunities I try to include these guys in a conversation not really knowing whats up with them.

    Its important that you know youre not alone though cause I remember and I still think this way sometimes that everybody else is doing more than I am, everybody else is enjoying themselves and having a great time. But its not really true. Happiness is something thats hard to obtain I think even when youre in good circumstances. You can appreciate the small things more once you learn to live without them.
     
  15. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I'm definitely going to try it at some point. I can deal with public places and what not if I'm in the right frame of mind which doesn't happen often at all. I'm not too bad at small talk and what not but it always takes me time to even say anything.
     
  16. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    Heck why not tonight? Some people think of a weekend without doing anything as unbearable. I think all the college footballs over though at this hour. Sunday football tomorrow. I dunno, i enjoy football so that makes it more interesting. But there's no shame going somewhere for a beer. People do go to bars to avoid doing the alcoholicy thing of drinking by yourself. Most of them are probably old men but those guys can be a decent place to start. People seem to get more reserved by age and a lot of people have diminishing social lives when they get older so you'd probably seem pretty cool to those sad alcoholics on unemployment (not that theres anything wrong with those guys). People do find themselves in their hometown alone and bored on drinking nights and you dont need excuses if you feel like going to a bar. I feel like i'm encouraging you to drink and since I am just dont put an emphasis on getting drunk. I see a lot of people do this in my life and it usually gets them nowhere from wherever they started. And dont drive if you were going to drink.
     
  17. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Well...no car and girlfriend is gone for the night. so maybe next weekend.
     
  18. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    Damn you have a g/f? I should be asking you for advice lol. I'm out.
     
  19. icewolf

    icewolf Member

    Hey i just joined. Sorry for missing your weekend :/

    Just want to say something that i've been figuring lately:

    Do they expect someone with no legs to run? No fingers to play the piano? They dont.

    They cheer when a crippled person beats the odds. Do they cheer for you when you manage?
    They dont.

    Depression is just as bad as having no legs or fingers. Dont feel ashamed. Dont feel judged. Dont feel different and useless.

    You have just a much right to struggle with both your mental kneecaps broken as someone with the physical version.

    So screw 'em all. Another weekend playing wow or something and eating pizza all by yourself? Fine by me.

    WHEN YOU FINALLY HIT A WEEKEND WHERE YOU FEEL YOU CAN GO SOCIALIZE IT WIL BE WORTH 400 TIMES MORE THAN WHEN A 'NORMAL' PERSON GOES OUT!

    And when that does happen feel proud. Feel damn proud.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.