friday night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nikos555, Nov 19, 2010.

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  1. nikos555

    nikos555 Member

    its friday night here in melbourne, australia. all my friends are out partying, hanging out movies concerts, i know this cause they've all been telling me bout there plans all week, when i see them at work, during the week when im driving them around places- its funny that they are happy to tell me all bout the stuff they do, but never seem to invite me.

    for the last 6 months ive been suicidal. i had recovered from depression over the last year before that. i was 98kg in august 2009, and dropped to 77kg by february. i was the happiest i could be. i owed it to a positive attitude i developed.

    then the calls started coming. people messaging me calling me worthless, a fag (im not even gay) useless, pathetic. at the start i took it pretty easily, thinking you know just sad people. then it turned out one of them was a close friend acting anonymously.

    ive always been teased by my friends. i have a short fuse ever since primary school, and even at 22, somehow whenever i make new friends, my old ones bring in this attitude to pick on me.

    ive really tried to be positive, but 6 months ago i stopped dieting exercising and slowly started eating junk. i still tried to be happy.

    i was abused and raped. i still tried to be happy after that. i told noone that i was raped. no police, no anyone. i put on 20kg. i stopped being happy. and started to want to kill myself.

    i told everyone i was going to uni. i didnt. i basically dropped out. id lie, drive to a fast food joint, eat read the paper, then come home. cause none of my friends organize anything with me (even people i go to uni with) noone has realised i didnt attend a single class.

    i look at my phone, on a friday night. it never rings
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hi nikos! :)
    im sorry your feeling let down and are having a hard time. im running extremely late for work so ill post you when i get there and my boss is not looking.
    ima give you a :hug: for now and tty real soon ok
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi nikos...welcome to SF.
    I would say you're safer not going out in Melbourne of a night but that won't ease your pain i know..
    I wondered if you've had help for your depression from a doctor, counselor or other proffessional?
    finding a counselor who can help teach you ways to be assertive and feel better about yourself may Australia you can access counseling through Community Health Centres for very little cost...
    also maybe some therapy for the rape and abuse you suffered....that must be so hard to keep buried inside of you...
    can you block these cowards/bullies who are calling you or change your number maybe...
    If you've lost weight before i believe you can do it again...don't give up ok..
    you now have us to talk to and others here who will relate to what you're going through..
    take care :hug:
  4. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    here i am like i promised
    its sounds like you should make sure your new friends wont meet your old ones in the future. i used to be the joke that every one could pick on i my group of friends too. and if they do childish prank calls and tell you your worthless and fat then they really dont deserve you.
    you should try to get some medical help for your depression and try to confide in someone you trust with the rape and abuse. keeping it all to yourself wont do you no good. confessing with it here is already a big step.
    keep talking to us ok :)
  5. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    Hi Nikos. Welcome back to the site.
    Do you think it would be possible to completely drop your old friends out of your life? As in ignoring them and maybe changing your number?
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You're suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and it's going to set your depression off again. You need to get medical help, you're not going to get better from this on your own.
    You need to talk to your doctor. I know that's hard, but you have to do it.
    sending hugs.
  7. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i get the same thing, friends go out, tell you about it and never invite you. it sucks, but no matter how much i wanna go out with them, i just think about how ill probably feel awkward with them. i have a few people i hang out with, but even then i do so rarely just because i dont want them to get annoyed with me.

    are there any friends that u can hang out with every once and a while. it will probably mean asking them if they wanna hang out, but hopefully theres a friend that you can ask without feeling too weird. also, as its been mentioned before, try finding new friends.

    also, if exercising helped you feel better, i know its hard, but try starting it up again. its good for you physically, and from the sounds of it mentally too. try to start doing thingd for yourself, maybe itll help

    good luck
  8. nikos555

    nikos555 Member

    thanks all, your all so very helpful and makes me feel a little special tonigh:reub:

    i know that i should get help bout my depression, i just wish there was a way i could confide in m friends. i let one know bout the rape and they havent helped they just ignored it

    how do you tell someone your close to you want to kill yourself. somehow its easier to say it on here in front of more people, but to tell one person its impossible.
  9. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    thats a tough one, when i first told someone, i wrote a note. it was easier then actually saying it out loud, but it still gets the message there. also, i avoid using the actual phrase, id say something like "i dont wanna be here" and usually people kinda got that too. hope one of those ideas helps you a little bit
  10. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Your friends aren't qualified to help you, they don't have the skills. You need to talk to someone professional. You may even find that it's actually easier to talk to a complete stranger anyway, lots of people do find that easier. Try phoning a crisis line and see if you can talk to the counsellor there. That would be a good first step.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the others that you need to get professioal help.. At least a therapist so you have someone to talk to one on one..Everything is confidential..Put those negative thoughts out of your mind and use positive thoughts to replave them.. Doing controlled breathing, in thru the nose and out thru the mouth.. While you are doing that use visiualization.. Picture you some where happy.. Myself I picture myself in a boat just floating down a river.. Enjoying the nature..A therapist will help you with coping skills.. Take Care!!
  12. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    It's really easy to find lame, asshole friends. And as long as you continue to hang out with them, they will never respect you and just keep abusing you.

    I think that there are some friends that are worth keeping and others that are not.

    I agree with other posters about checking out some therapy, and also getting back to exercising and eating nutritious food will probably help.

    I'm sorry that you have been through so much. It's bad enough to suffer trauma, but even worse when other people just pile on abuse and don't support you.
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Your friends sound like a bunch of jerks nikos. You might want to make some new friends.
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