Friday the 13th

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by cashing_out, Aug 13, 2010.

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  1. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    well, today is the anniversary of my fiances death. She was hit and killed by a drunk driver. She was on her way to the bank to get some money out to come see me. My fault. If I didnt move, she wouldnt have had to go to the friggen bank. If I wouldnt have moved, my mom would still be alive. If I wouldt have moved, my brother may still be alive. If I wouldnt have moved, my dad may still be alive. Just cuz I wanted to move, I lost four fucking family members. You want to talk about guilt.......I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.....
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    the only fffffff guilty persn here is the dam drunk driver
    everyone moves away gets on with their lives everyone you are no different
    it was the drunk driver that killed them not you get it the fffffff drunk driver
    you are allowed to move no one stays in onel place at a time
  3. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    No! I dont fffffing get it! Dont yell at me. You dont ffffing know me. Your not in my ffffing head.....get it!!! Dont come at me with your moronic statements. Get it!!!! Here i am trying to get by and you add fuel to the fire....get it! Why are you on this site??? You have issues too, right??? Well, get over them....get it!!!!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2010
  4. koolasakitkat

    koolasakitkat Member

    chill please. It really really isn't your fault cashing out. I don't know you. But I know that fate.... it happens. I truly believe everything happens. and even if you went back in life and didnt move. that would still all be killed. watch the film the time machine..... it shows that. Then again maybe if you hadnt moved.... they might still be alive. your never going to know. Respect their memories... never forget. but they wont hate you for it. so dont hate yourself. They would want you to live your life. not live in guilt.... she cared about you. if you were the one killed.... you wouldnt want her to ruin her life. :( i am again sorry for your loss... i hope you are okay
  5. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    I am fine. I just dont need sombody to tell me how to handle my demons. I dont need sombody that doesnt know me try to hammer somthing into my head. I am pleasant till provoked. All I was doing was venting. Then was provoked. I hit back. My first reply was so bad I had to edit it. This was a chill topic when I started. Just trying to unload some crap from my plate.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for all your losses must have so much grief...
    I understand the guilt's so hard to get past but I'm sure you're GF and family wouldn't want you to feel it was your fault...
    I lost a child to suicide and have to deal with guilt all the time but i know deep down it wasn't my fault....
    Are you having some counseling to help you deal with your grief? may help
    take care
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your losses, cashing out. I can't imagine the pain you must be in, especially as you blame yourself. I don't think violet meant to provoke you, I think she was trying to emphasise that you shouldn't feel guilty, that it is not your fault.

    I can understand why you feel responsible, and no amount of me saying that you shouldn't feel that way will help, but I want to say that I do believe in fate, and therefore I believe that nothing you could have done or said, including whether and where you moved to, could have changed what happened. As I say, I know this doesn't really help, but it hurts me to think of you feeling so guilty for something that you couldn't have prevented.

    Please, please look into counselling to help you with this; you don't deserve to have such guilt on top of your grief.

  8. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    I am sure that violet meant no harm. I am pretty touchy about stuff and what she said triggered a reaction. I have been to 4 psycs. One of them said somthing simular to what violet said and I went off. violet has said some very nice things to me in the past and my reaction was unjust and I am sorry. I just cant seem to control my outbursts. I am on several meds, no more psycs though. I kicked 4 of them to the curb and dont need to waste anymore time or money on them. I seem to have two speeds, on and off and seem to shoot first and ask questions later. No middle of the road for me. Sorry to offend if I did.
  9. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    I have tried to send violet several PMs and they dont seem to be going through. If they are, she just got like three or four of the same thing. I would like to apologize to violet formally and let everybody know I got out of line. I hope she forgives me for my harsh words.

  10. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    It's not your fault in my opinion. The moronic drunk driver was the cause, he shouldn't have drank before driving. I also want to point out that these thoughts are normal, I've often had such thoughts but on a smaller scale. But your moving was simply not the direct cause of the accident. The drunk driver should not have been there. But guilt is uncontrollable.
    That's my take on things, good luck on your road to recovery, and definetely get some support along the way.
  11. cashing_out

    cashing_out Well-Known Member

    This forum has helped me 10X more than any shrink has. I can put my thoughts into words and not get judged. Thats an awesome thing.
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