friend question

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by seba3c, Apr 28, 2008.

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  1. seba3c

    seba3c Member

    I need some advice. I myself have suffered from severe depression and suicidal thoughts for the past 12 years. The last year has actually been a lot better. I have some things in my life going my way. I've finally worked up the courage to look into some counseling help. This is the first time in all the time I've been ill that I've worked up the courage to do so.

    Here's my dilema. I have a friend that I met while living in a different city. She is also severely depressed. In fact, she is worse off than I am. She has been depressed for the past 20 years or more and never sought out help. Recently she revealed that she has cut off contact with everyone in her life but me. She stopped talking to the few friends she had left. Her children and parents have stopped speaking to her. She also recently went through a bad break up with a man. She is now depending on me as her sole emotional support. However, whenver I talk to her, she virtually only talks about herself. I can't handle her issues anymore. I've tried to express this to her nicely and then directly. It doesn't help. Everytime I talk to her it sets my own mental health back a lot. I feel really really awful about myself after I talk to her. I end up in a week-long funk. It seems to get worse with each conversation. She wants to met in a city halfway between. I know I can't handle a face to face meeting. I don't think I can have a relationship with her anymore, but I'm afraid to tell her this for fear she'll kill herself, but I'm afraid for my own well-being as well. What do I do?


    Sarah
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow Sarah. That is tough. But hun you need to be direct for your own sake here. Let her know that you are trying to help yourself right now and that her issues are a little too much for you to handle. Suggest that she seek counseling as well then you will have something positive that you can share. Tell her that at this point in time, a visit wouldn't be possible because you dont think you could handle it right now. Hun, you can not and will not be responsible for anything that she decides to do herself. I think if you are direct but stress the positive things you are trying to do for yourself, and stress that you are her friend, you will have done all you can for the situation. It's up to her to decide if she wants to maintain a friendship after that. Good luck Sarah and dont forget you always have support and care here.
     
  3. seba3c

    seba3c Member

    Thanks for your response to this issue. I guess I knew that was the best option, I just needed validation that it was the right thing.
     
  4. seba3c

    seba3c Member

    So that went really badly. I told her that I felt we needed some space temporarly so we could focus on our individual mental health. She FLIPPED out. I am now the most evil person in the world. I was never really her friend. I told her I thought she was profoundly ill and I might as well told her children were evil little monkeys. I read and reread my e-mail and I thought that I was as direct as I could in the the most caring and concerned way possible, even after she replied some of the most spitful replies possible. I wished her nothing but the best. I feel pretty guilty, but I guess it was the right thing to do.
     
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