Friend saw my scars?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by imalone, Feb 29, 2016.

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  1. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Today was a horrible day. I walked through the school corridors with my head down, face hidden and without speaking. But when I got to my graphics class and sat down in my seat (at the back of the class) I reached into my pocket and pulled out a sharp end of jet black acrylic.

    I didnt want anyone to notice so I started using it to just scratch myself but then it got deeper and deeper. No one noticed, not even the teacher. My friend came into class late and when she walked up to me I quickly covered the scars with my blazer sleeve and hid the acrylic in my fist.

    She told me that I seemed really down and distant, more than ever before, but I just sat there, kept my head down and kept pushing the sharp end of the acrylic into my fingertips. Whenever she looked away I would swipe a few quick scratches into the back of my hand.

    I kept sneaking a look at what I had done to myself but I wasnt careful and i noticed she had stopped talking to me and looked at my hands/arms but she never mentioned anything.

    On the bus on my way home, just before she got off she said she needed to speak to me about something when we got home. She hasn't said anything to me yet but I'm scared if she did see my scars and what she'll say.
  2. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hi imalone;

    I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain.
    Did your friend talk to you in the end? Was it about your s.h.?
    If she did, she must really care about you. In my experience I have become less and less concerned about people seeing my scars. They don't notice, or don't realise what they're seeing, or just don't want to deal with it - I'm not really sure, but not one person has ever spoken to me about it. Sometimes I just wish that just once someone would notice and be shocked and horrified...
    I hope your friend is there for you, is understanding and gentle, and helping you to get help with how you're feeling. And if she hasn't spoken to you about it, I hope you are able to reach out to her or to someone. Please do ask someone for help, imalone. You deserve it, you shouldn't have to be alone with so much pain.

    I hope you are feeling a bit better. Take care, and be safe.
    imalone likes this.
  3. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    She never did message me. I have been able to open up to her (only her) in the past but my mind just keeps saying that she doesn't actually care or like me so now i keep things to myself. It hurts. And she is moving school soon so she will make new friends and probably forget about me so I will have no-one to talk to, no-one who properly understands (as she has gone through depression and survived before) Thankyou for replying, it means a lot.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    One thing to remember about a depressed brain is how it will lie to us and try to convince us that people don't care...

    *sending you big hugs* please don't be scared to reach out and get some help
    imalone likes this.
  5. some_random_name

    some_random_name Well-Known Member

    It takes courage to get help. I believe in you! Sometimes people care just in subtle ways.
    Best of luck.
    imalone likes this.
  6. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for replying. I'm just scared of how I will be treated and what the reaction will be after I open up
  7. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for replying and believing in me.
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