Friend Zone

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I suppose I might as well ask this question.

    Whenever I found the confidence to approach a girl and seem to hit it off with them, I only later find out that I ended up in the friend zone and the girl was already taken ( as in not single).

    Why does this happen to me?

    Mostly I believe I deserve to be alone and sad forever.
  2. jayy

    jayy New Member

    aight bro. im guesssing your some where in late middle school or highschool. idk. but i use to have the same problem. your to sweet of a guy. yes being a sweet guy will get you girls no doubt. but in highschool. no. it just wont. girls say they want sweet guys. but we both know most the guys that get girls. arent the sensitive sweet type. im in relationship with a girl right now. was our one year a couple days ago. be sweet once you have the girl. but to get the girl you cant be completely sweet and nice. you gotta show your interested. do something that catches their attention. if your just nice and ask them about themselves they will just consider you a friend and a nice guy. you gotta just figure out a way to show that your appealing. you got to get her to want to come back for more. and know you better.
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Confidence is always the key with women, if you feel like you do not deserve to be with anyone then that is what may happen sadly. You have too look at yourself and think hell I am a nice guy I treat people right, and then take that step ask them out, make them laugh, and most importantly never change who you are for anyone. The will see the soft caring side, sometimes you just have to put yourself out there, sure you may get knocked back but at least you tried right?
  4. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    confidence, confidence, confidence. Be funny and charming but be a little bit agressive and you will not be stuck in the "friend zone."
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Each of you are so incorrect.

    I've tried all those things and nothing has happened.

    And for the sake of it, I am in college. College! A sophomore in college.

    I know to be confident and try to be interesting but I still never get a girls attention and I dont feel confident because of my body issues and my shyness.

    This forum is useless, no one has told me anything I don't already know.
  6. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    How have you tried being confident if you say you don't feel confident because of your issues? Maybe try some CBT and get over your problems before focusing so much on trying to get women. They will see you as you see yourself so if you have body issues and are incredibly shy it is going to be a problem. Work on yourself and the rest will come.
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member


    Tried confidence building exercises, worked on building self-esteem and confidence before attempting to talk to women, for a time I succeeded in talking to them, but shortly after I passed a crucial point, my confidence was lost and I failed.

    I've told you all, I know everything you're going to tell me, I've heard it a million times.

    Build confidence.
    Work on yourself.

    I have tried, many times and all failed.
  8. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Well then why ask the question? The only other thing I can recommend is to google some of the techniques some guys use when picking up women. I have heard Neil Strauss has some stuff that works well. The key is practice, read up on some techniques but then go use them on as many girls as you can. You will get over your fear and build confidence in time. Even the best looking guys with the most game get rejected at times, it happens. Not every girl is going to like you so just prepare for that and shrug it off.
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Where do you think I got the exercises from? I used one of Neil Strauss' books.
    I passed one of the biggest hurdles in it and still failed.

    I ask the question because my last little ounce of hope is that someone has an answer I haven't already heard.
  10. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    Have you heard this : Maybe you are just asking out the wrong kind of girls; ones that are out of your league.
  11. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    One, if I followed what I learned in Neil Strauss' book, no girl is out of my league.

    But thank you, thank you so f-ing much for making me feel so much uglier and more disgusting.
    Thanks for reaffirming my belief that I deserve to live and die alone.
  12. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    You shouldn't ask for advice, then get angry when you receive it. People on here tried to help you, they told you things you've already heard and you get angry. I tried to tell you something you haven't heard and you get angry. What do you want?

    The thing is, these days anyways, men are becoming more and more shallow when it comes to what they want in women. They see all these hot models on tv and suddenly average women aren't good enough. They just want more more more, everything has to be perfect and they bitch about it when those "perfect" women turn them down. No?
  13. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    It's not a one way street. The ideal man is postered right beside the ideal woman, the ideal man has to be handsome, muscular,etc.

    Why do you think I have body issues?

    I never claimed to want "the perfect woman". I just don't feel it's right to have leagues.
    Men and Women should date whomever they please and each has an open chance.

    Yes, I'd like to date an attractive woman and fall in love.
    I'd also like her to be smart, hold a nice conversation, enjoy art and reading.
    Have a mind of her own, goals in life and a sense of initiative.
  14. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    I don't believe it's right to have leagues either, and I agree that people should be able to be with whomever they want, but society doesn't agree.
    I was just saying that maybe (just a maybe) the women you are asking out just aren't attracted to you. You just might not be their type. Just like how you have a type you are looking for, you might not be the type they are looking for. Perhaps you can ask instead: What type of men do attractive, smart, cultured, go-getter type girls look for? And then conform to that as much as you can so you can get those types.
  15. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    No thanks. No offense meant by this but your advice is exactly the opposite of the best advice I've ever been given.

    First off, I really don't have much of a type. Aside from the personality.
    Second, if all I do is conform to my type, who will I be?
    I'll just keep changing myself a million times to be with women I'm not sure I have a chance to be with.

    I'd rather try to build confidence, work on myself and try to catch the woman's intrigue without having to wear a big sign that says "your type" on it.
  16. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    Yes, it was crappy advice and I would never take it myself, I just thought since others have already told you to do what you now have said you will do, maybe you would welcome something different. But since you already know it all, what's the point of asking?
  17. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I ask myself that question alot. My true hope is that someone has advice I haven't already been told, but so one has new advice.

    Just the same stuff that never worked before.
  18. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    To be honest, I don't think you are really seeking advice. Maybe you just need someone to reaffirm a belief you have about yourself or women. You say you deserve to be alone. Why do you say that and then say you deserve to be with a good woman?
  19. I'm sure you don't really want my advice, have heard it before and it will probably be the total opposite of the best advice you have ever received (!) but stop trying so f**king hard. Just stop it.

    It's understandable that you want to be with someone etc. We all want someone to share our life with.

    But desperation sniffs out loud. Act like you couldn't give a f**k. And start not to aswell. It's only when you stop looking........

    Whats the rest of life like? You have friends/people you spend time with/enjoy being around?
  20. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    good advice there..speaking from a womans point of view...
    you are still very young and have time to get a GF.....
    have you ever had "anger management" therapy?.....I can hear so much anger there ..*hugs*
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