Friends and my GP

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by lostcupcake, May 27, 2015.

  1. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    I have a question if anyone could awnser. You're experiences would be appreciated. I went to my gp yesterday and he was asking me about my friends and the relationships i have in my life. I told him a few things and didn't really feel comfortable telling him more because of his reaction to what i had already told him. He pretty much said that i should stay away from other depressed people as they will only bring me down with there moods. It really made me think about if im depressed and hes telling me this what if my best friends depressed and hes telling her the same thing i think its really bad that he would say that to make you further isolate yourself from others am i wrong? He pretty much told me to leave my current partner also i think hes being very judgmental or am i being over sensitive? I mean i want help but the last thing i need right now is someone telling me how to live my life.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He just wants you to be with positive people as this will help bring your mood up more Being around depressed people being depressed yourself is not good for either people It is always your choice to keep the relationship or not doc was just giving you some advice
  3. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    Thank you for the reply
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    My doctor and psychiatrists always tell me it is a good thing to be friends with others who are suffering with the same illness so we will have someone to talk and relate to.

    I can understand where your doctor is coming from, he/she doesn't want you triggered by people suffering too. It's nice to have a doctor that cares that much. At the end of the day it is your choice, for me it has been good to talk to my friend who has severe anxiety too 'cos I can talk to her when I get an attack and she is there and understands,

    there's my 2 cents :)
  5. lostcupcake

    lostcupcake Member

    Thanks petal i was in the same mind.
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    The issue is less about whether your friends are depressed or share common issues , and more about the dynamics of the relationship. If your friends are happy as larks or if they are the most depressed people on earth would not matter if you are supporting each other and encouraging each other to be better. If you are all moping together , and spend all the time talking about how bad life is and enabling each other to do nothing and then it is not a healthy support system. That is how to dr's can have have very different advice about the same situation- he did not say "stay away from depressed people" as advice until he asked questions about your friends and felt he had an understanding of the dynamic. After you described them he told you to find different people to hang out with.That is not to say he is 100% right based on a few questions, but the advice of surrounding yourself with people that are good for you as opposed to bad for you is sound. Isolation is not a good thing , but surrounding yourself with the wrong people is worse than being alone.
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sharing our depressed feelings with friends can be helpful if the depression is not the issue that ties us together. When the focus is not depression, but the friendship itself and finding healthy, enjoyable things to do/talk about/share, it can be good to have friends who do understand what depression can be like.

    It's a little iffy if the focus is always how badly we're doing and feeling. That often means all people in the group are doing is talking about their problems, not about solutions or steps to improve things, or even different things entirely to distract them and us from the hard things in life. Meeting up to talk about how depressed we are is kind of like "getting together to be unwell". I have personally experienced that sort of thing - and was much happier when I moved away from that interaction. Instead of helping, sometimes the friends become chronic complainers and not life-filled "doers". The group sits and listens and listens and listens as others say how awful things are. That can be draining. In the long run, it doesn't even necessarily help because complaining to a good listener who agrees with how bad things are doesn't give us a new perspective or push us to try something else instead. They allow us to sit in our familiar misery.

    If the dynamic among your group of friends is not ALL about being depressed and what is "wrong" in your lives, it can be very useful and helpful to have someone say, "Yeah, I know, that sort of situation sucks!" If the friends are all down and saying life is bad, why bother, I'm not getting anywhere...I can see why your doctor might be concerned.

    There is no perfect answer to this. Maybe you don't need to drop the current friends, just add some new ones who are not always down, too. Nothing wrong with adding more people to our social network and learning from everyone, doing a variety of activities with more people. :)