Friends for the Depressed

So first of all I'm a new user so I'm a little unsure about how all this works.

I'm 21 now and I've been depressed for a long time, at least since I was 14 that was the first time I saw a therapist. I feel like I'm slowly getting better and dealing with my depression in more effective ways. But one thing that has been consistant since that time is the lack of support from my friends. My family has loved me through all my ickyness and because of that I am at my happiest when I am around them or when I think about them. But my friends seem to ignore me whenever I am depressed. Perhaps they think I am angry with them or that I don't want to be their friend or something-I don't really know. All I know is that I don't get support from them. Instead of crowding around me and asking me whats wrong and what they can do and pushing past my depressive crust they just ignore me. For that reason when I am no longer depressed or feeling better I AM angry with them and in turn ignore them. I don't want friends who won't support me when I need help.

The only problem with this is that now here I stand as a 21 year old who spends a good majority of her nights home alone. (which in and of itself doenst really help the depression). I guess I should just forgive them and accept them for not supporting me because I understand its hard. But at the same time I wonder where am I suppose to draw the line? When is enough enough and when do I know when my friends are hurting me rather than helping me? Is this just my problem? Is it possible for depressed people to have friends? REAL friends-not surface friends. Friends who care and support?

I guess thats what this site is... IDK... I just feel lonely alot of the time and then I feel guilty for feeling lonely.

 

Relationships are so very difficult...it is so hard to know how much to share and to whom...maybe there is one or two ppl you can trust and be more genuine...and we are here...many of us know exactly what you are going through...hope this finds you better...J

 

As you said to someone that has not been depressed they just don't understand why we pull away why we are hurt so deeply. It is sad when you do not get the support you think you should have but maybe they just don't know how to give it. They don't know what to say to makes things better. They are uncomfortable because they don't want to see you suffer. I think when you are well and they want to hang out then do it Show them that there will be good days as well as bad ones and maybe do some teaching awareness of what it is to have depression. glad you found this place as many can relate here.

 

You and I are a lot alike Erica. I spend almost every night alone and I beat myself up over it. I too wish I had people to support me and someone I could trust enough to tell atleast some of my problems to. Everyday it hurts so much and it seems so hard, but this place is a good start. I know that we are not in your personal life, and I struggle with that too, but we are willing to listen. Welcome to the forum I hope you can find the support that you need here.

 

Ok so I don't want to be the complainer or the whiner cause I HATE playing that part. but I have found people to confide in. My roommate last year got me help when I cut myself. And she is still my friend but she is now married and has moved on to bigger and better things than trying to take care of me. Likewise I turned to a religious leader last year and while I know he cares about me I feel like he cares about me because he has to and he will only talk to me when I set up appointments he never checks in on me and sometimes its just hard to make that step to meet with him when I need help. I tell myself that if he really cared about me he would take the initiative to check up on me sometimes. Is it rediculous to want that? I just feel selfish! And I do have a social life, I go to movies and hang out with friends. But most of them are so much younger than me and I dont' have anything in common with them and can't tell them anything of whats going on! IDK. Its weird, I've had alot of struggles in my life and I honestly have dealt with them. And now its just day to day life and lonliness that is killing me. I just can't wait to get my degree and move away some where fabulous, lol.

 

It is not selfish to wish someone cares about you. I wish for that exact same thing. I see the way people treat other people and I wonder why don't they do that for me? Am I not good enough? Anyways, lonliness is the worst pain of all. I assume that you are in college, I just graduated last May and if there is one peice of advice I can give you it is enjoy it. I miss not seeing people every day because it was really the only interaction I had, and now I feel worse than I did while I was in school.

I have that same dream you have, I want to move to the Carribean and start a new life but I don't have the balls or the money to do it. It's good that you have a dream to hold on to, but in the mean time enjoy the social interaction that school brings because the "real world" is not what people make it out to be. I really don't mean to bring you down or anything I just don't want to see you make the same mistake I did and wish my life away. If I could go back and do college again I would take that over this in a heartbeat. Even if it seems tough, try to enjoy the fact that you are around people.